Friday, June 30, 2006

Interesting Play

I was watchin $15/$30 at Full Contact Poker, when I saw the following hand occur:

Texas Hold'em $15-$30

Seat 1: Player 1 ($1,182.95 in chips)
Seat 2: Player 2($138 in chips)
Seat 3: Player 3 Player 3($1,000 in chips)
Seat 4: Player 4 Player 4($1,531 in chips)
Seat 5: Player 5($264.50 in chips)
Seat 6: Player 6($1,126.90 in chips)
Seat 7: Player 7($4,715 in chips)
Seat 8: Player 8($754.50 in chips)
Seat 9: Player9($600 in chips)
Seat 10: Player 10($634.25 in chips)

Player 2 posts blind ($7.50), Player 3 posts blind ($15), Player 9 posts blind ($15).

PRE-FLOP:
Player 4 calls $15,
Player 5 raises $30,
Player 6 calls $30,
Player 7 folds, Player 8 folds,
Player 9 calls $15,
Player 10 folds,
Player 1 raises $45,
Player 2 calls $37.50,
Player 3 calls $30,
Player 4 raises $45,
Player 5 calls $30, Player 6 calls $30, Player 9 folds,
Player 1 calls $15, Player 2 calls $15, Player 3 calls $15.

FLOP [board cards JC,5H,3D ]
Player 2 checks, Player 3 checks, Player 4 bets $15, Player 5 calls $15, Player 6 calls $15, Player 1 calls $15, Player 2 calls $15, Player 3 calls $15.

TURN [board cards JC,5H,3D,3C ]
Player 2 checks, Player 3 checks, Player 4 bets $30, Player 5 calls $30, Player 6 folds, Player 1 folds, Player 2 calls $30, Player 3 calls $30.

RIVER [board cards JC,5H,3D,3C,10S ]
Player 2 checks, Player 3 checks, Player 4 checks, Player 5 checks.

SHOWDOWN:
Player 2 shows [ 7D,5D ]
Player 3 mucks cards [ AC,4C ]
Player 4 shows [ JS,KD ]
Player 5 mucks cards [ KC,AD ]

Player 4 wins $597.

Holy $hit. Unbelievable. What in the heck are you doing in that hand preflop with a 75sooooted and an A4sooooooted. And why in the heck does the A4sooooted think is gonna happen? Is he gonna hit his gutshot? Wing and a prayer. I need to play $15/30 apparently. WOW.

Look Out Big R

Tonight Big R and Lil N come up to the Pimpin' Bachelor Pad O' Love. Methinks that some serious poker will be played with the three of us tonight. I can't remember the last time that it was just the 3 of us playing poker and talking smack. And drinkin' obscene amounts of beer.

Good times. Especially when Big R gets pissed off and starts crying because Cameltoes (a.k.a. Chief Pounds on Toes) pulls some crazy bad beat on him. Too funny.

Tomorrow, we have to be at my sister's house by 11 to eat some lunch and head to the Rangers/Astros game. Yippeeeeeee! I'm looking forward to it.

Last night I took Annie out to my hometown watering hole. She was a little nervous about it at first, because it's not exactly what you would call a classy establishment. Lots of interesting people. Kind of a cross between a biker bar and a redneck bar. I really know how to impress the ladies, don't I?

That's about all for now. Keep on keepin' on.

Thursday, June 29, 2006

Oooooh You Sooooo Asian

Those of you that know me, know that I love to talk in the stereotypical Engrish (English) with an Asian accent. Don't get me wrong, I have nothing against Asian people, but I just love to talk in that accent. So I'm not P.C. Sue me.

It's also fun to say, "Oh, Herrow." to them instead of, "Oh, Hello." They love it.

Anyway, there is an Asian veterinarian (in her 40's or so) working with me today. She is lazy, lazy, lazy. She won't see any patients that are more involved than vaccinations. I may have to do a c-section on a dog today. It's not even my clinic, but I will be the one to do it. Interesting, I guess.

Let me describe her to you. She's about 4'10", in her mid-40's, petite, and has short hair. Her short hair is in beautiful piece of work. Let's just say that it has volume. So with the afro, she's about 5'3" or so. She's a very nice lady though. Although, I'm having a tough time not talking to her in an Asian accent.

Annie says that I need to be nice, and I am.

It's just sooooooo hard not to talk to her and say something like, "Herrow. Can you prease turn on the right? It's soooo dark in here. Thank you."

It's also really hard not to sing to her this line, "Turning Japanese, I think I'm turning Japanese. I really think so."

Or "Domo aragato Mr. Roboto?" (I have NO IDEA how to spell that, so cut me some slack.)

I could keep going, but I'll stop there.

On another unrelated story, I should get a FOUR HOUR LUNCH today!!! It might be limited to only 3 hours, depending on whether or not I need to do that c-section or not. Tough life, I know. Jealous?

I hope that the 2 readers out there (you know who you are) enjoy this post. I just want you to know that my mom laughed at it as I typed this post.

Keep on keepin' on.

Wednesday, June 28, 2006

I'm Randy For Big R

My truck scared the crap outta me last night. I was driving home and I realized that she was sputtering under acceleration. Since I was having some transmission issues earlier, my first thought was that it was thinking about going out on me. Then a light lit up on the instrument panel. No bueno.

I thought that the light meant the tranny. Then I really started freaking out. Visions of $1500-$2000 garage bills dashed through my mind. Then it hit me.....That's the check engine light. Ahhhhh. Now I have her in the shop, and they said that it's probably the spark plugs that are misfiring. Makes a lot of sense. I can handle that. *sigh of relief*

I'm pretty excited that Big R and Lil N are coming up here this weekend. We 3 boys might even manage to throw down a little *shock and awe* poker while he's here. Then Cameltoes (a.k.a. Chief Pounds on Toes) and I can make Big R cry after we take all his money. Sorry Big R in advance.

Keep on keepin' on.

Tuesday, June 27, 2006

Home Again

I'm at my parents house again. Is it sad that I'm living at my parents house and I'm 30? Well, in my defense, I'm only staying there for 4 nights, so I don't it's that bad. It is nice to have home cooked meals though. Ah, gee thanks Ma.

No poker last night. I was too tired, and I hung out with the parental units. Dam, cause I'm only a few hands away from unlocking another $50 of the Full Contact bonus. Yipee!

Big R and Lil N are heading up here this weekend for some baseball, beer, and general tomfoolery (sp?). It should be a good time because the Astros are playing the Rangers this weekend, and since they are both my favorite teams, it's a bonus for me. Although, I might have to give the edge this year to the Rangers, considering I have a whopping $7.50 bet that they will win their division (which should give me about a $28 profit or so). "Come on Big Bucks, no Whammies!"

I'm pretty tired now, and I don't have much else interesting to say.

Keep on keepin' on.

Monday, June 26, 2006

Dance, Dance Revolution

Annie and I dance our butts off this weekend. Thursday, Friday and Saturday. Holy blistered toes Batman, my feet are sore!*

We even met Charlie Robison on Saturday night, after we saw his concert. He even signed my cowboy hat. Thanks again Charlie.

Here's the joke he told us. "You know, the only country in Tim McGraw is Kenney Chesney."

AWESOME!!!

Although Annie didn't really appreciate it, I thought it was hilarious. She said that Charlie is just jealous. Nah.

I received a nice present from my dog Earl** today. Here's the situation:

I was 4 tabling at Full Contact (and doing horribly, I might add) when the receptionist said, "Um, Doc? One of your dogs had diarrhea in his kennel." I have both of my dogs with me today, and they are in their respective kennels, and Earl did a number on his.

I walked to the back of the clinic and saw that not only was 1/2 of the kennel covered in diarrhea, but so was one entire wall of his kennel!!!! Talk about blowout diarrhea.

So after watching him step all over it, I managed to hoist him up into the bath tub to bathe him. After about 20 minutes, I had Earl and his kennel clean again. I should also mention that I'm gonna be staying at my parents house the next 4 nights because I've got work close to them. Mom's gonna be thrilled about this. Anybody know a vet?

I'm about to head to lunch, so ya'll enjoy the rest of the day.

Peace. Keep on keepin' on.

* And no, I don't mean those toes (i.e. cameltoes).

** Earl is an Australian Shepherd. He's a kick ass dog, except for his quarterly bouts of blowout diarrhea. He can paint the walls at about 5 feet or so. It's impressive. Sometimes it's so bad, he sounds like Jeff Daniels in that scene from "Dumb and Dumber" when he has NASTY diarrhea. I'm waaaaaay lucky to have Earl for a dog. Lots of cleanup.

Friday, June 23, 2006

Anal What?????

Yipee! It's Friday. Who-hoo. Wait.....um, I have to work tomorrow. Ah, the joys of being a veterinarian. You mean I get to work every Saturday? Where can I sign up?

At least I have work.

Annie and I went country dancing last night. Let's just say that by the end of the night, we were both sweating up a storm. I wore her out. Poor girl. I even made us dizzy a few times. She loved it though.

I had a dog come in for an anal gland infection. For those of you that are uneducated to the wonders of the anal glands, pull up a chair while I mosey up to the chalkboard.

Dogs have two glands on either side of their anus. What in the heck are they there for, you ask? Well, let me first say that the odor that comes out of those suckers is........putrid. Especially when the juice comes shooting out at you at about mach 10 onto your freshly dry cleaned shirt. The real bonus is that you can never really get that smell out for the rest of the day.

Don't even try and go to a restaurant with that funk on you. You'll clear out the place, and probably cause the restaurant to break about 47 different food safety regulations with that juice. But I digress......

So this anal jizz is there for some reason relating to relaying information about themselves to other dogs. I guess a nice vanilla scent was too much to expect?

Occasionally, these 2 rocket launchers get infected. And boy howdy, do they smell really nice then. Well this poor dog had a bad infection there. I had to feel them (with a gloved hand), and I barely touched them and the poor guy cried, because how would you feel to have an infected anus? Not very much fun now is it?

Well, let's just say that a wad of blood, pus, and anal jizz came out from there, and luckily for me, onto my gloved hand and not on my shirt/pants/arm/face/lips. (By the way, I have had anal gland jizz shot at me and onto my lips. Not cool. Not cool.).

I hope that the antibiotics I sent him home with work quickly, for his sake. He has one sore anus, and he hasn't even done any time in prison.

Poker Content:
I got my buttocks handed to me today. And not only on 1 site. I decided to play some short handed $1/$2 on SunPoker because I only needed about 5 raked hands to clear July's monthly bonus. Well let's just say I got creamed. I managed to loose a buy in of $50 in about 15 minutes. I. Didn't. Win. A. Hand. Really. Not. One.

With my tail tucked between my legs after finishing the bonus there, I decided to play on Full Contact to work on that bonus. Ouchy. I managed to loose $40 on $2/$4 and another $38 on $1/$2. Good grief. And I wasn't ever even close to tilting. Really. It was just one of those days of continuous butt beatings.

I'd raise in late position with AJos, only to have it reraised and have the BB flat call. Rugh row Shaggy. I had a cat cold call with pocket 4's to hit his set on the river, while I had Tens. Ouchy. Blah, blah, blah. Just a horrendous session. It just really, really sucks, because I can never pull that off for those kinds of upswings. Oh well. Such is life.

Thursday, June 22, 2006

Check Up On It

"I can tell you wanna taste it, but I'm gonna make you chase it."

Beyonce, from "Check Up On It."

That about sums up me. Yep. Wait.......does that apply to guys? Damit, I don't think it does. Oh well, at least I tried.

In case you hadn't realized it, I'm staying at my sister's house again. This time it's only for 2 nights. Thanks Sis.

I'm about to cut a rug with my sweet Annie. Ah yeah!!!

Keep on keepin' on.

Monday, June 19, 2006

Happy Juneteenth!

Watching the Mavericks play last night was frustrating to say the least. I really don't understand what is going on, other than the possibility that the game is fixed. Cameltoes, a.k.a. Chief Pounds on Toes, has a theory about this. Here goes.

He says that these series are fixed to go as many games as possible (i.e. 6-7 games) to increase revenue. From the looks of the vast difference between how the Mavs played in Games 1-2 and the way they played in Games 3-5 kind of makes you wonder. And another thing, why in the heck does Stackhouse deserve a 1 game suspension IN THE MIDDLE OF THE FINALS for a "hard foul"? Insanity.

Annie and I went to the Rascal Flatts concert on Friday (Along with every teenage girl within a 100 mile radius of the DFW metroplex. Sorry Big R, your restraining order wouldn't have let you in the place). Sincerely, the average age of concert-goers was about 16. I was sandwiched between 3 twelve to thirteen year olds on my right, and a 17 year old "cowboy" who attended the show by himself. He also sang every word to every song that they sang. I kinda felt bad for the kid, having to go to the concert by himself though. Poor guy.

Saturday night, Bubba, his chica, Annie and I went to Billy Bob's to cut a rug. Even saw some nice lesbians/dikes. In their 50's. With modified fem-mullets. Right in front of us. That could send me crying home to Mommy once they got done kickin' my butt. Ewwww. I only wish that Annie had her digital camera with her that night, because I would have posted a pic or two here. I know that Lil' N would enjoy them*.

I finished the Will Hill June bonus. Now I have about $250 in there, with no way to really get it out. This Neteller fiasco is ridiculous. I can get it out eventually, it's just gonna be a pain in the buttocks. Dam thieves.

And for all my brethren out there, Happy Juneteenth!

Keep on keepin' on.

*Editor's note: For those of you that don't know, Lil' N used to coach high school softball. So now she likes her hair in a mullet, her shoes comfortable, her trunk full of softball equipment, and her shorts denim and long.

That joke never, ever gets old, even though it's been years since she last coached a game. You are welcome.

Wednesday, June 14, 2006

Mavs Trying to Make It Interesting

Last night, Sir Toes and I had Annie, my sister, and my brother (and his girlfriend) to watch the Mavericks game. Ouchy that was a tough loss. Maybe they can win the next one.

Chief Pounds on Toes and I are going to a Rangers game tonight. We even managed to get some pretty sweet seats too. Methinks a little tailgating maybe be in order. And just 1-2 beers.

That's about all I have to say about that. Keep on keepin' on.

Monday, June 12, 2006

Sir Toes' New Name

Yesterday I had a very interesting lunch, and there is no way that I can recreate what happened if I retold the story much less trying to type it here. I'll give it my best shot, but you have been warned: It probably won't be that funny.

Annie, Cameltoes, and I ate lunch together. It started out a normal time, but then somewhere along the way, Cameltoes and I got on a tangent about the numerous nicknames and variations of nicknames that Cameltoes has. We explained to Annie how we came up with "Chief Licks on Toes," which by the way, Annie really loves (what self-respecting chica wouldn't?). It was somewhere about that time that Cameltoes said that we needed to come up with a "stronger" name.

Then it hit me. I said, "How about 'Chief Pounds on Toes'*?"

We knew instantly that this was a perfect name. So from now on, Cameltoes' other pseudonym will be "Chief Pounds on Toes", rather than "Chief Licks on Toes." Although I still reserve the right to call him the later at any given time. Needless to say Annie was really, really impressed.

We had a laugh or two about the new nickname, when Annie asked how long I have called him Cameltoes. I told her it had been six years ago that I gave him the honor of that name.

She then said, "So it's not going anywhere then?"

My only answer was, "Nope."

I then said that I could call him "Sir Toes" since I knighted him that a while ago. I asked Cameltoes to say his knighted name with a British accent.

He got a huge smile on his face and said, "I can't, because you know how they always like to say 'bloody'? I can't say 'Hello, my name is Sir bloody Toes. It's jolly nice to meet you.'**"

I absolutely lost it. So did Cameltoes. It wasn't long before both of us were in tears from laughing so hard. Poor Annie was just sitting there, being absolutely disgusted over the thought of "Bloody Toes." Needless to say, Annie was really, really, really impressed. It wasn't long before we had to leave before we got kicked out of the place. And we didn't have a drop of alcohol in us***.

Poker Content:

I did manage to play a wee bit of poker on Will Hill yesterday morning. I'm about 1/2 way done with the June bonus. So far, I'm doing O.K.

Keep on keepin' on.

* Use your imagination about to what the "Pounds" refers to.

**Said with a British accent.

*** Sorry Annie for this post. It was just too good not to post for the world to read. And yes, we all were sober. Crazy.

Sunday, June 11, 2006

Hello Poker, Nice To Meet You

Poker Content

YEEEEEHAAAAAWWWWW!!!! I'm back in the saddle again (much to Annie's chagrin)! I actually *gasp* played online poker yesterday for the first time since May 2. Dam it feels good. Since my Neteller account is still closed, I'm playing Will Hill's monthly bonus first. Start off with the good stuff. I played for only 20 minutes because we had to leave to, um, play more poker.

We headed to a brick and mortar casino last night. Walked up and Cameltoes (a.k.a. Chief Licks on Toes*), Bubba, and I were all instantly seated, with Bubba and I at the same table. About 10 minutes into playing, Chief Licks on Toes was able to sit to my left. We had a great time, although Bubba's wallet is a little lighter for it.

After about an hour, Bubba was able to move seats and was seated to my right. Chief Licks on Toes to my left and Bubba to my right. I was in the middle of a crazy sandwich. The main problem last night was trying to keep a "full" table going. A full table there is 9 people, which is fine, but we played 6 handed for about an hour, and most of the time we played with 7-8 people. But man the players there are HORRIFIC!!! It will never cease to amaze me the lack of quality of play at these casinos. Great for me. Apparently for about 70% of all the players, any 2 cards are playable, from any position.

We played $4/$8 (since that's the lowest that this casino has) and the minimum buy-in is $40. You would be shocked as to how many people bought in for $40 while saying, "Well, this is all I can afford." WOW. That was probably the main reason why our table could never stay full. I bet about 50% of the kids bought in for the minimum. Outstanding.

So, over the 5 hours of play, I made $101 (minus the $40 I gave Bubba gave me a net of $60 in profits). Chief Licks on Toes made $46, all of that was made on the last, literally the last, couple of hands. He had quite a few rough smackdowns early on, and he managed to claw his way back from down $75 or so. Congrats Sir Toes.

We behaved and left the casino by 2 A.M. and I was in bed by about 3:30. I managed to "sleep in" until 8:30 this morning. Joy.

Keep on keepin' on.
* Since Cameltoes is part Injun (feathers not dots) I decided last night, while on the road to the casino, to give him an Indian (feathers, not dots) name. We figured "Chief Licks on Toes" was appropriate. What do you think?

Friday, June 09, 2006

Not Fair

Here's an irony of my life. Annie, who rarely gambles, is on her second trip to Las Vegas right now, while I am stuck here in "no loose sluts - uh, I mean no loose slots" land. Not fair. I would be in the middle of a 18 hour session right now if I was in Vegas. Or I'd check out all of the Elvis impersonators. Don't step on my blue suede shoes baby.

Still no poker for me. This is becoming a real problem, as I have about $800 or so floating around in assorted online poker-rooms. I still have my Neteller account shut down, and I'm not really sure how I'm gonna get the $ out. Bummer.

Neteller told me that I needed to contact my ISP to have them professionally perform a virus scan on my computers, because they said that is how I got my account hacked into. My ISP told me to contact McAfee to have them fix the problem. Nice, so I'm going round and round. The worst part about this is that if this happens again, I'm liable for the $. Which means that Neteller wouldn't pay me back. That's what I'm most afraid of.

So here I am, with all of these juicy sites out there, and nothing I can do about it, for now. Bastages.

On the bright side of things, I'm getting boatloads of relief work. In fact, I'm having to turn down work. Not a bad problem to have. The first time I did relief work (about 3 years ago in Houston), I could never get enough, and so this is much appreciated. Daddy's got a few bills that need to be paid off (and a trip to Vegas to pay for, hopefully).

These posts are not very funny anymore. What has happened to my sense of humor? I think it's not as sharp because I've been so tired as of late. Well, not so much as of late, but as of the last 6 months, I guess.

I contacted my old landlord the other day. Why? Because he has stolen my $600 of deposits. He is ripping me a new one, and is laughing all the way to the bank. I told him to send me a copy of the receipts from the "new carpet" he had to buy. I lived there 6 months and the carpet was SPOTLESS when I left. I still haven't received the receipts. Hmmmm. Yeah, I be getting "bent over the couch and being taken to town." What's a pale-skinned brotha to do? Other than lay back and take it.

I can't really afford to take him to small claims court, being that I live in Ft. Worth and he's in Houston. Heck, it would cost me $100 or so just to drive there and back. Plus loss of at least one day's work, and the time to drive down there. B.S. is all I can say. Good thing my current landlord is Dr. Toes (a.k.a. Cameltoes, Sir Toes, Cameltoes the Board Certified Cameltologist), so I don't think I'll be getting taking to da cleaners.

I'm about to make like a tree and leave. Keep on keepin' on beoooooooches.

Tuesday, June 06, 2006

Nothing Much To Say

I'm pretty tired today. It's 3:30 P.M. and I really need a nap. I haven't really been sleeping that much for a while now. I think it's starting to catch up with me. And my stuff still needs to be unpacked. Insanity. I also haven't been to a baseball game in a while. What's wrong with this picture?

I managed to spend $450 on my truck today. Nice. What did I get for that?
1. A synthetic oil change
2. State inspection
3. Transmission flush
4. Coolant flush
5. New wiper blades.

I've got 85,000 miles on my 2003 truck, with another 16-18 months left to pay it off, so I'd better make it last. Sweet maintenance.

This has got to be one of my worst postings. I promise for better things in the near future.

Keep on keepin' on.

P.S. I did meet Annie's mom, oldest sister, brother-in-law, and her niece this weekend. Not bad. She met another one of my aunts and my cousin, her husband and their 3 kids. What a "family" weekend. Good times though. Peace out.

Monday, June 05, 2006

No Poker

Well, we didn't get to play poker Saturday night. Oh, we made it to the casino. We were just 33rd and 34th on the waiting list. After an hour of waiting, we moved up to 26th and 27th, which at that point I decided to play blackjack. I broke even. And I'll take it.

I've gotta head out to work, as I've got an hour and a half commute today. But I get a 3 hour lunch. Yeah.

Keep on keepin' on.

Saturday, June 03, 2006

Poker Again????

I think that my brother and I are going to head to a *gasp* brick and mortar casino tonight. YEEEEEEEHAAAAAW!! I haven't played poker in over a month, so I'm going through withdrawals here. The stakes at this casino are $4/$8 and $5/$10, so I'm gonna be playing a little over my usual stakes of anywhere from $1/$2 to $3/$6. Since it's Saturday, there should be ample idiot college students and clueless middle-aged men there to pad da bankroll. Last time my brother and I went there, I managed to lose $15, only after a significant, late inning rally from -$200 or so. Which I realize being down $200 at these stakes is nothing to shake a stick at, but I was thrilled to walk outta there only down 2 Big Bets. (Lil N, I realize that $15 is less than the actual 2 Big Bet total of $16, but it's close enough).

I figure that Bubba and I will take off for the glory land around 8 P.M. tonight, only after I get a nap, church, and a good dinner in. Yes, you read that right, I'm going to church before I go to play poker. Sue me.

The main downside to this casino, is that it's dry. And I don't mean that it's in a desert. They don't have alcohol there. Amazing. How is a brotha supposed to play poker with no Miller Lite in my hand? I'll survive I guess.

Gotta go save some more puppies. Keep on keepin' on.

Thursday, June 01, 2006

Kickin' It Like A Dude On Welfare

Well, not really. I've actually been working pretty hard. I've actually had some decent jobs lately. Thank God.

Another really, really good thing: I got ALL of my $$$$$ back from the mother-truckers that stole it. I even got the $250 worth of overdraft fees returned to me this week.

As of now, my Neteller account is shut down until further notice. I have to have a professional perform a virus scan on my computer because Neteller thinks that some bastage planted one on my computer that gave them my info. Nice. Also, if it happens again, Neteller won't cover the amount stolen. Even better.

So my online poker playing days may be over, or at the very least, severely hampered for the foreseeable future. Damit! Now I've got to figure out how to get the approximately $500-$600 I have floating around assorted online poker rooms. I guess I'm gonna have to have the money snail mailed to me. Better than nothing, I guess.

Well, Cameltoes' girl is in town from Oregon, and we're taking her out boot-scootin'. Yehaw!! Annie and I will have to show 'em how to do it right. Don't get mad, Sir Toes.

Also, the weekend with da boys has been canceled. Will write about that at a later date.

Gotta get ready for a night of dancing. Keep on keepin' on.