There's No Place Like Home

I hope everyone had a great Christmas with the family. I had a great time, and this Christmas was different because it's the first Christmas in a long time that it was just the five of us (and my uncle and aunt). It was pretty nice. Ah, memories.

But it's always nice to go back home, especially for the home cooked meals. Mom can still cook like a pro, and would make anyone in the Iron Chef cry. I always get sentimental when I go home, sorry. I think I'm becoming choked up. Naaaaah.

Poker content:
Poker playing went very well over the Christmas extended weekend. I played Titan poker around midnight and the people playing then were idiots, which made for a very nice padding of the bankroll. Overall it was a good time.

I just downloaded Full Contact Poker recently. I like the site, and there are already about 12,000 players at most times (pretty good for a site that just opened up this month). They have a %50 initial deposit bonus up to $200, and an extra 10% if you use Neteller to make your deposit. Not too shabby. The difficult part is trying to tract your progress, as there's no way to determine how close you are to clearing the bonus. They say that it's released in increments, but it's unclear how and in what amounts ($5, $10, $100????) so it's still a learning process for me. There are some pretty bad players there, which in my 3 sessions, the mules have taken me for about $50, but I'm just waiting for the variance to swing back my way.

Keep on keepin' on.

The Cracker Jack With a Prize Inside

Today started off normal enough. Wake up, shower, get to work, see patients, heal sick puppies. But it wasn't to stay like that. Oh no. After seeing a few patients and performing a spay on a chihuahua, I was just about ready to head home for lunch, when my receptionist came back to tell me that there was a dog that was in a dog fight. This bad boy was a 100 pound lab mix that was on the receiving end of an ass-whopping. She had puncture wounds all over her. I mean legs, chest, belly, tail, everywhere but the face. Two women brought the dog in (I assume a mother-daughter team of about 65-30 respectively). I tell them that I was going to take care of her and get her cleaned/stitched up. O.K. no problem.

Her's where it gets interesting. They come back later that afternoon to pick up their dog. I go through and tell them about the medication that I was sending home, how to keep the wounds clean, and what not. They both understand and so I send them out with their dog. Now mind you, the waiting room is full of people and the parking lot is too (this is going to become more important to the story later, I promise). A few minutes later, my receptionist comes back saying that the dog is bleeding, and they want me to look at the dog in the back seat of their car.

So I head outside to the car to check out the dog. The dog is in the back seat and I go to the passenger side of the car where the daughter is standing telling me about the blood coming out of her dog. I start to examine the dog, as she's telling me about the blood as I'm straining to look at this 100 lb dog in the back seat of a 4-door Ford Escort (in other words, this dog is PACKED into this back seat). The daughter tells me that the blood is coming from the other side of the dog, so I walk around the back of the car to get to the driver's side, which is where the mother is.

Just as I round the corner of the back bumper and place my foot down by the rear tire, I hear the gut wretching sound of HUGHUHGGGGHH! My heart stops as I try with all my might to stop my momentum, as I'm heading directly into (wait for it, wait for it) a growing pile of vomit!!! You guess it, the mother hurled on the asphalt right as I was rounding the corner of the car. I check my boots and they were clean and right after the woman's first stomach-emptying contraction was over, she apologized, a split second before the heaving began again.

I told her, "No problem." like I see this every day, stopped mid-stride, and turned around to head by from whence I came. So I return to the passenger side of the vehicle where the daughter is standing there, completely unaffected by her mother's vomiting (odd huh?). She is asking me all sorts of questions, and I'm thinking, "Isn't she gonna check on her mother? And how am I still keeping a straight face?" I tell her that the dog is O.K. and it's just a couple of the roughly 20 or so puncture wounds draining, and that it's a good thing. All of this is happening as the mother is continuously hurling her guts out. I kid you not. I'm trying soooooooo hard to concentrate on what the daughter's saying (and doing quite well, I might add), while thinking how glad I am that I didn't start hurling along with her. 'Cause that'd be nice, both of us tossing our cookies in unison, while there's a 100 pound dog in the back seat of a car, and the daughter stands there without a care in the world. Real professional, I know.

Here's what's funny: Mom keeps apologizing to me in between the wretching, while I'm trying to calm the daughter down, and the dog's in the back seat saying to me, "Dude, now you now what I have to put up with." Amazing.

Now have a Merry Christmas, 'cause I don't know if I'm gonna be able to write anything for the next 4-5 days. Hope this keeps a brotha laughing during the Christmas weekend.

So remember the real meaning of Christmas while you are with you families. Keep on keepin on, because I think I'm gonna blow chunks now.

I Keep Trying

Played another $100 million freeroll tourney at Titan. Another example of my MTT prowis, I finished 7th, with the top 5 advancing to the freeroll. Nice, huh? Unbelievable. I can't make it in a MTT to save my life. This is really frustrating, as I'm sure that most of you know (I mean the 1-2 of you that might read this). Another day at the office, I guess.

Let's see, anything interesting to write about??? I got all my Christmas shopping done in about 2 hours, including about 1 hour and 15 minutes of travel time to and from the stores. Not bad, if you ask me. It's also helps shopping a few days before Christmas, on a Tuesday, at 10:00 A.M. Not a whole lot of people out then. Exept old people. I guess now that I'm 30, I qualify as old, especially since my 19 year-old roommate keeps bringing girls over that are his age. About 3-5 years ago, maybe I could get a second look from that age group. Not now. Now I'm just another old dude.

I'm too pissed to write anymore. Keep on keepin' on.

I've Got Dem MTT Blues

Played 3 MTT's today. Here are the totals: $6 buy-in, $3 cashout. Net loss: $3. Not bad, considering my history of rarely finishing in the money. Hey, 2 of them were free-rolls. I finished pretty well in all of them, but I just can't pop the cherry to the big money (OK, not BIG money, just something over $100). At least I did better than Cameltoes, who played in 2 of the 3 tourney's I played in. He didn't even get any money in his grubby hands. Ha Ha Dr. Toes. Oh well.

I have to appologize for the lack of any decent material of late. With no internet at work, I get pretty pressed for time at home to write. O.K., I really have plenty of time, but I'm either sleeping, eating, or playing poker when I'm at home, so there, I'm being honest at least. I really don't have any good/funny stories to tell from work. I'm getting lame in my old age.

Keep on keepin' on kids.

Yeah, But My Mom Said I Play Well, So There.

Interpoker today had $1,000 added $5 buy-in MTT's (multi-table tourney) today. So I figured, "Hey, you're a fabulous NL MTT player, try it" (sarcasm). Considering the luck I've been having at them I figured what could I loose? Apparently the other's in the tourney didn't realize my wicked skillz at the table as I finished 37 out of 200 (top 30 got paid). But I did call up my mom and tell her how I did, and she said that she still loves me, so everything's O.K., right? I need to get a life, or at least that cross-dressing midget (click on it, I dare you)I've been wanting. Oh well.

Wanna know how I got busted out? No..........Well too bad. I had TT vs. the villains ATos. Villain hit his Ace on the flop. This is really getting old.

Dr. Toes (a.k.a. Cameltoes) kicked some booty on a MTT this early morning by winning the sucker (out of 95) and taking home about $250. Then in the same tourney that I played in at Interpoker, he finished 7th out of the 200. His 33 lost to A8os as the dude hit a str8. Poor, poor Cameltoes.

Keep on keepin' on.

Premature Ejaculation (Part 2)

I suck. And not just bananas (just kidding, they're cucumbers. O.K., I really am just kidding. It's Cameltoes that does that). Titan had a freeroll tourney and guess who finished 202 out of 218? I'll give you a hint, he's tall, dark, and handsome. You damn right......It's me. I did it. The really frustrating thing about it was that there were only 5 people playing at my table (the other 4 were sitting out), and I was the only one that really realized how to take advantage of the situation.

Here's the hand that knocked me out: Under the gun (UTG) limps and folds to me in MP (middle position) and I have pocket 3's. I was planning on raising, but since he called, I decide to call and see the flop. SB calls and the BB (who's sitting out) checks. Flop is JhJd6h (I have the 3 of hearts by the way). UTG bets, I minimum raise to see where I stand, SB flat calls, and UTG folds. Turn is a glorious 3. SB checks, I bet and he insta-raises me all-in and I call. He has J7os, so I have him drawing to pretty slim. He hit's his 7 on the river, and I'm out licking my wounds on the rail.

Sorry Cameltoes, for not performing better under your screenname, but I didn't do any worse than you on your previous tourney (see Premature Ejaculation? if you don't remember).

And that kids is how you don't want a tourney to go. Keep on keepin' on.

Office Party

The night started off innocently enough, with 2 coolers full of enough beer to drown a boat load of sailors. You know how office parties start, slow and boring, mainly because nobody has had enough to drink to loosen them up, and because nobody really knew each other. A few drinks later, and we managed to get a poker game going (yes, I really did bring chips and cards to an office Christmas party, deal with it).

Here's the scene: Since a small group had already landed the kitchen table with a crazy variation of Chinese checkers, we were left to use our oversized cerebral cortices to come up with another place. "Oh, look outside on the porch, there's a table there." "Brilliant," I think, because it's only about 45 degrees outside, threatening rain and a frigid breeze that's enough to take the edge off any reselmbance of warmth we were trying to keep.

But don't worry, there's a chiminea that'll keep us all warm. Riiiiiiiiiight. After about 20 minutes of hassle, mainly me soaking every thing else but the logs full of lighter fluid, I got the sucker burning.* I seem to remember them putting out more heat that that sucker managed to put out. It was fine, as long as you were about 2 inches away from it. Oh well. Oh yeah, since we were in a modified covered porch, just about all of the smoke blew right on us. Nothing that a ceiling fan set a mach 10 couldn't fix. Great, now we have cold, a threat of rain, smoke, and gail force winds. But I digress.

So, with the fire burning, we managed to play what some people would call Texas hold 'em. I managed to be the first one out of our little tourney (4 players) by having my hammer (72os) and my A-Rod (Q8os) repeatedly torn apart, with the A-Rod failing me to knock me out of the tourney.

We were honored to have Lil N (not to be confused with Lil Kim) appoint herself as "all-time quaterback", I mean dealer, which was nice because I don't think my frostbitten fingers would have managed. Thanks for dealing and for the ride back home.

Keep on keepin' on.

* I must confess that I was using citronella juice to start this fire per the request of the home owner. I ended up breaking the bottle with my sheer, unadulterated strength and shot the fluid all over the place, including me. Nice, real nice. Stick a fork in me 'cause I'm toast.

Poker Issues

I'm listening to a local talk radio station and they're talking about how bad online poker is. They are having a bunch of callers talking about how bad it is and that how horrible it is.

What started this off was the story about a 19 year old kid who racked up $5000 of debt via online poker. Well he decided that the best way to clear this would be to rob a bank! Great idea. He could have worked 3-6 months and paid that sucker off. They arressted him about 4 hours later at his frat house. Here's the good part (sarcasm), he only stole $2800 from the bank! Nice, now you're going to jail and still owe almost 1/2 of your total debt. Ouchy on the cho-cho.

Another caller talked about how her husband is addicted to online poker and has lost over $22,000 in cash + and undetermined amount on credit cards. She is about to file for divorce and take the kids too. She has told him numerous times about this threat, and he's not stopping. He clearly is addicted to gambling, and should be put in an asylum. I'm thinkin', why doesn't the wife shut off the internet? That'd at least stop him for a while.

The moral of the story kids? Don't gamble your rent money!!! Did you hear me, don't gamble your rent money! There now I've said it.

Keep on keepin' on.

Are We There Yet?

Another week started, another dollar to make. Only 13 shopping days left kids, so make your list, and check it twice, 'cause your wife/girlfriend is gonna whoop your butt if you don't get her something nice. Don't say I didn't warn you Big R. There, that was my public service announcement for you.

Today, as I walk into work, I see another 10 pound dog that's waiting for me with vomiting and diarrhea. This diarrhea isn't as horrifically bloody as the previous dog I wrote about (see here if you don't remember or hadn't read it). The main difference is that this owner is either extremely neurotic or drunk. Either one, take you pick. She dropped the dog off at 8:20 A.M. today, and called the clinic less than 15 minutes later wondering what was wrong with the dog. I'm good, but I'm not that good, considering I hadn't even had the chance to examine the dog yet (since I didn't get there until 8:30). Then she manages to call the clinic about 4-5 more times in the next 3 hours asking if the dog is better yet. Each time I tell her, "It's gonna take some time, I will let you know if there are any changes." At one point she called at about 11:00, asking how the dog is doing, and then called again 15 minutes later, asking how the dog is doing. I told her, "He's doing the same as he was when you called me 15 minutes ago. This is going to take a little bit longer for him to get better."

Imagine if you had the flu, you wouldn't exactly be better in 15 minutes would you? I'm still trying to figure out what is wrong with her, because it's not just her insatiable love for her dog.

Oh well, I gotta get back to saving the puppies of the greater Houston area, so keep on keepin' on.

Where Everybody Knows Your Name

I had a great time this weekend in San Antonio (a.k.a. Little Mexico). Got to my friends house late Friday night, because I live about 1000 miles from anywhere, and that I don't get off work until 6. Saturday was spent watching a great band (South Austin Jug Band) at Gruene Hall (pronounced "green"). If you like bluegrass music w/a modern twist, you'll love these guys. Musical geniuses.

Saturday night was spent hanging out w/both sets of friends and the little baby. Good times, except the lil girl was a bit cranky. It's hard being a 3 month old. Ole Judy kept us laughing with his crazy stories about his past. Gotta love it when you laugh so hard that your gut hurts and you fall out of your chair. The good ole days relived.

I didn't play one hand of poker for about 48 hours, and it felt kind of nice. Now I'm playing at Titan poker trying to clear the deposit bonus (which clears incredably slow at the $1/$2 tables). It takes about 333 raked hands to clear $10 of bonus. At $2/$4 and above, it clears in half the hands. Plenty of bad players there, so it makes up for the slow clear rate.

That's about it for now. Keep on keepin' on.

Thank God It's Friday

Yeah, I know that's been the title to a previous post....sort of, but now I really, really mean it. I'm now working my 9th out of 10 days in a row, and I'm getting pretty tired of work right now. I finally get TWO DAYS OFF IN A ROW!!! I realize to your normal people out there are thinking, "Hey, 2 days off in a row is no big deal, I get it every weekend." Well I don't, and I'm pretty freaking excited about it, although I'm more tired than anything so I won't exactly be painting the town red tonight. So, it's pretty hard to describe my excitement.

I"m heading to San Antonio tonight, so I'm pretty excited, as I'm gonna visit a few friends from college. One of them just had a baby a couple months ago, so I'm gonna see her for the first time. Man I'm getting old.

"Yeah, I've got a pretty busy little weekend planned. Gonna go visit some friends, check out their new baby, maybe go out to eat or go to Borders. But I don't know if we're gonna have enough time."*

Read 'em and weap, baby. Keep on keepin on kids.

* That was a rough paraphrase from "Old School" in case you didn't recognize it (Lil N).

The Randal Lives....Twice

Poker Content:
For those 1-2 readers of mine out there, you will realize what hand is known as "The Randal"*. But just in case some poor schmuck happens to read this, I will define the hand. It is the all-powerfull 6-3. That's right, only slightly better than the hammer (7-2). Well, something really cool happened yesterday while I was trying to clear Titan's bonus. I got the soooooooted Randal in the BB, and about 3 people limped, so I checked. Flop hits 459 rainbow. Kick ass, now I have an openended and a backdoor flush draw. I check and 2-3 of us see the flop. Turn is an Ace and again I check and then it's heads up. River brings a 2. Nice huh? Here's what happens next. I check, he bets, I raise, and he reraises back at me. I then make sure that I actually have the straight, and I cap it. He calls, and I take down a pretty pot.

Two or three orbits later, I again get the Randal sooooooted in the BB. Long story short, I catch a runner-runner straight and take down a small pot because it was checked all the way until the river and I only had 1 caller. Not too shabby of a day for the ole Randal. The hammer has nothing on you.

Keep on keepin on.

* 6-3 became known as "The Randal" as a result of two huuuuuuge pots that were won at my home game with that hand by a friend of mine. Now you know, and knowing's half the battle.

Tis the Season

I really hate trying to figure out what to ask for for Christmas. I try to think of something sorta practical, but not something that I'd buy myself. Kind of hard. For instance, I wouldn't normally buy myself a cross-dressing midget, but that's something that should be on everyone's list. But how exactly to you describe that one to Mom?
"Uh, Mom, I want something a little different this year?"

She says, "What's that dear?"

"Um, I sure could use a cross-dressing midget to help me get through the days."

"You're not my son."

Ouch. You see kids, you really can't ask for that one. So where do you go from there? I already have all of the poker stuff I could need (nice poker table, chips, cards). What else could a man need? Well, I'm still trying to figure that one out.

Keep on keepin on

It Might Be Time For A Change

Poker content:
I'm beginning to seriously consider another passtime of which to earn some extra income. I'm really wondering if I am truly a winning player, or truly a losing player. The numbers are really starting to lead toward the latter. If it wasn't for the cushion of the bonuses, I'd be losing big time. I'm still trying to understand what is happening to my playing.

As I've previously stated, I really think that the players online have significantly changed since this spring. At least at the sites I've been playing at, the number of average/good players is greatly, I mean greatly, outnumbering the fishies (As a veterinarian, I realize that there is no such thing as "fishies", but I choose to use it because.....um....well....it's my blog.).

There was an article on cardplayer.com that talked about this fact. Unfortunately, there is no way I can remember who wrote the article, or which month it was written in, and I'm waaaaay too lazy to try and find it now. Anyway, he talked about how the poker bubble was gonna burst soon and people that are winning now, may not really be winning players. When I read that article (sometime in the spring) I thought, "No way he's talking about me. I'm a winner, I can feel it." Now I'm beginning to think that he was talking directly to me.

I really have no idea what my problem is. I consider myself a tight-aggressive player. I rarely tilt, and if I do, it's only for a few seconds, and I don't loose a bunch of bets at that time. I have my starting hands down, and I can adapt them to different tables pretty well. I usually know when I'm beat, and can normally lay down good hands when I know I'm beat. I rarely chase with nothing.

So what's the problem you may ask? Has this man just lost his poker mojo? Has he lost his mind? Is he really just a whimp? Some may say yes to all of the above. In fact, most would say yes to all of the above.

I feel that I'm reaching a crossroads of sorts in my poker-playing career. I'm not really sure if I'm gonna like the answer I come up with, if and when I actually get there.

In the meantime, keep on keepin' on.

PS I'm trying to come up with some more interesting veterinary related quips to throw out there, but none have been coming to my mind. I appologize to my 2-3 readers out there that are in mourning over the lack of at least something slightly funny to read about. It's been a rough week, you gonna have to be cuttin a brotha some slack beeeeoooooch. You betta axe somebody.

Premature Ejaculation?

There are some finishes in this world so profound, so amazing, that words cannot really do them justice.

Imagine, if you will, a scantily clad woman that's been eyeing you all night from the other side of the room. You finally muster up enough courage to go and talk to her, because you know that she is waaaaaaaaaaay outta your league buddy. Somehow, from utter dumb luck, she likes what you have to say, and dare I say, even finds you attractive. Things progress from there and you decide to go back to her place, since your's is a P.O.S. Everything's happening so fast and you're not sure where this is heading, but next thing you know, you're both naked and rolling around on her bed. Then the unthinkable happens.....You guessed it. You just shot your gun off a tad too early, and now you're like Jim in "American Pie" w/Nadia.

That kids, is what happened to Cameltoes today by finishing 4383 out of 4871 in Paradise's MillionDollar 2 tournament. Yep, the $1,000,000 freeroll tourney is going on as we speak and Cameltoes blew it. Well played my friend, well played.

Keep on keepin' on kids.

It Was the Best of Times, It Was the Worst of Times.

Poker Content:
My mule brain can't really comprehend what happened to me today. I was dealt all kinds of crazy cards today. (Big slick about 8,000 times, AQ (a.k.a. the Double D), and Big Noises (AA-JJ), etc). At one point I had AK, AK, and JJ all at the same time as I was 3 tabling trying to get through the Crypto bonuses. Here's the odd thing......I lost my ass today. Not a horrific loss of ass that will leave me with an even flatter ass, but enough to make me cry uncle. I kept getting dealt very nice starting hands and one of three things would happen 99% of the time. One: I'd steal the blinds. Two: I'd get a couple of callers, hit nothing, and get AK beat by J8os, or something of similar might. Or three: Hit a big hand, but run into a hand just one better. I had one guy who managed to take me for about 90% of a buy-in (most of which he took on 2 consecutive hands). Brutal. Make you wanna slap yo momma (sorry Mom, I don't mean you).

Non-Poker Content:
Random thoughts:

My dogs are two of the coolest dogs around. You can't beat a pair named Earl and Daisy. They are much, much better than Lil N's dog Shelby. At least my dogs can sit, stay, lay down, and wouldn't even think of waking my happy butt up in the morning.*

I never would have thought that I'd be the type to stay in on a Friday night; well, at least not every Friday night. This adult-job-thing really isn't all it's cracked up to be. I'm not sure if it has anything to do with me turning 30 or not, but I really don't enjoy working Saturdays after a night of watching Big R drink himself retarded (that's an inside joke that only Cameltoes, Big R and I will get, sorry). Maybe I'm thinking of this because I have a 19 year old roommate, who's always going out on Friday's, even though he also has to work Saturdays.

I also am realizing now that I used to be at least remotely funny, and I am crashing and burning now. I'm gonna put this baby to bed before I really write something stupid.........Too late.

Keep on keepin' on.

* In Lil N's defense, Shelby can sit and hold a treat on her muzzle and keep it there until you say that she can eat it. Little conciliation, I know.

Sorry Folks Parks Closed

I'm sorry to my 2-3 readers out there that have been disappointed in my lack of posts the last 2 weeks. Thanksgiving at my parents house with only dial-up internet pretty much hampered any hopes of posting. I did manage to work a couple of days their to earn some Christmas shopping money (No Lil N, you ain't getting nutin'). Then to top it off, my internet at work crashed this Monday, and since this time of year is very slow for veterinary clinics, my boss ain't in a real hurry to get it fixed. I usually post my blogs at work, and play the crap outta some cards, but not for a while now. Oh well, I guess that means I'll just have to read more instead.

It's the first of the month, so you'd better pay your rent, collect your paychecks, and get your asses to Will Hill (click on link @ right) and the other Crypto sites for their 5 pound/hour bonus. Gotta love it, although I managed to loose about $8.75 at Will Hill playing $1/$2 whilst clearing the 5 hour bonus. But I had a net profit of about $34, so I can't complain.

It's been one hell of a last couple of days, so I can't really think of anything funny or even remotely interesting to write about, so I won't waste anybodies time with dribble. Keep on keepin' on.