Brother and Sister, Together Again

What a weekend. My sister came in to town, the Texans won their first game, and poker went well. Holy trifecta, Batman! Well, Paradise Poker went well; screw Interpoker. I'm on a wild ride there. Oh well. After cleaning like a madman Friday and Saturday, I picked up my sister from the airport. I figured I'd even wash my sheets, since I was nice enough to give my sister my bed and I took the couch.

In case any of you has never been to Houston before, the downtown area can be a little confusing, especially for a Ft. Worth native like myself. My sister wanted to head to a sushi restaurant for something different. I hit up Mapquest.com to find directions to the place. By the looks of the map, it looked easy enough to get to, but noooooooo, the real world kicked in. We drove around for about 30 minutes trying to find the sucker, to no avail. Apparently the directions we got were waaaaaaay off because the street we were supposed to turn on didn't exist. Nice, real freakin' nice. After numerous wrong turns that lead us into the ghetto, and driving the wrong way down a one-way street with 2 cars heading right for us, we finally decided to give up our quest for sushi. Yep that's right kids, I attempted the old fashioned game of chicken just outside of downtown Houston on the outskirts of the ghetto. You want to hear something cool though, WE WON!!! The other two contestents of said game veered out of our way, and they lost!!! I'm sure that they were quite upset with themselves for loosing a game of chicken, and I bet they had the Hershey squirts to prove it. Gotta love going downtown.

Sunday, we got up early to head to my sister's friend's tailgate party. Big R and N met us out there, and let me say that these people know how to tail gate. They had 2 hot bartenders serving up whatever you liked (well almost anything, as I don't think that they appreciated my gawking at them with my tongue hanging out). They also had 3 big tents, 3 t.v.'s, all you could eat brauts, and did I mention the hot bartenders? Oh yeah, they wanted me. We watched the Texans win their first game all season, as they are now 1-6 for the season! Playoff bound baby! LOL.

Now I have to keep the house clean, cause the padres are coming up this weekend for my 30th birthday. Dad & Mom, I'll take the hot bartenders for my present, if you please. Aw, gee thanks.

I'm now 30% of the way to clearing my Paradise bonus. For those of you looking to start playing at a good site, please click on the Paradise Poker link on my site and have fun playing. It's a pretty big site, with a peak of around 13,000 players on at peak times. Lots of different poker games, and even blackjack for those of you that really like to gamble, and I know you do. I have been 3 tabling their, and the bonus clears pretty quickly, as they count any hand that's raked at least $0.25, and they dole it out in $10 increments, so not too shabby.

Interpoker is another animal. There are quite a few good players there. I think that most people playing there are just trying to clear the bonus also. I have been on a steady downswing trying to get to the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, I mean the bonus. So kids, the take home message is, "Buyer beware."

Interesting thing happened whilst 3 tabling on Paradise. I was dealt Cowboys on 2 tables at the exact same time. Wanna guess what happened? I won a 3.25 BB pot at one table, and lost 5.5 BB at the other, as I ran into none other the Mr. Rockets. Why does this seem to happen so often? You finally get dealt KK and start yelling, "Big bucks, no Whammies!", and get "lucky" enough for no Whammy (a.k.a. Aces) hit the board. Then the other cat flips over Rockets and your heart gets smashed to pieces. Damn you Fate/Karma/Ms. Variance!!

I've gotta pay the rent, and I hope that this post was worth the wait, Cameltoes. Keep on keepin' on kids.

The Day Doyle Brunson Lived

This past July 4th, my brother (Bubba), Cameltoes, Big R (formerly known as R), and Cameltoes' brother and I all made the journey to Lake Charles, LA to hit the boats and play some 3-6-12 Texas Hold 'em. I don't know how many of ya'll are familar w/shoddy brick and mortar casinos, but the play there is absouletly horrific. By the same token, the game is very hard to beat. Example: even with a UTG raise, 6-8 people routinely call to anxiously await the next 3 cards and suckout on the guy bluffing with his AA. So needless to say, the game can be a little difficult to beat, seeing as there is a schooling effect going on with the fishies*.

It is in this setting that I had the following happen to me. After seeing a never-ending string of 83os, J2os, 95os, for what would literally be an hour and a half, I finally got a streak of good cards. I managed to take down some nice sized pots in about a half an hour. Now, the worst hand I showed down was AJos. You'd think that people would pay attention, but they mindlessly called 2 bets cold with their Ace-rag and wonder why they were going home broke. It was about 3 A.M. and I had been playing for about 6 or 7 hours at this point and I was seriously thinking about quitting because the waitresses in Lake Charles have much to be desired and the Miller Lites and Crown shots were starting to take their toll on me.

I was one off the button and I look down and see T2 of clubs. At first I thought, "Not again." but then and the ENTIRE TABLE CALLED I thought that I'd get a little frisky and raise it. As John Vorhaus says, "Loose raise good, loose call bad." Only 1 person folds. So we have 9 people calling to see the flop of Ts2h2s. I almost did a cartwheel into a triple-reverse-backflip when I saw the board. Someone in MP bets. a few people call, and I smooth call. I think about 5 or 6 people saw the flop. The turn is a Ks, completing the flush. I'm praying that somebody's made their flush. The BB bets out and I figure that it's now or never, so I raise. When what to my wondering ears hear, but the button say, "Reraise". I swear my jaw almost dropped. The BB calls, and I cap it. Three of us see the river which was a brick (I don't even remember because I was freakin' out at this point. I mean, come on, I flopped a boat with the Doyle). The BB wisely checked, I bet $12, the button raises, and the BB folds. I look over and realize that the button's all in.....damn. He flips over AsQs for the nut flush and I show the crowd my dazzling T2. I took down a monster pot, which put me ahead $85. I decided after being down for 99% of the night, to call it there. I racked up and cashed out, smiling knowing that I had just won with that crap. Ah, Justice was served that day. After an entire session of suckout, after suckout I thought I was due. You be the judge.

And that kids, is how the Doyle Brunson lives on. Keep on keepin' on.

* David Sklansky has a theory when a bunch of fishies are playing limit Hold 'em, any one of them may not have the proper odds to call a bet, but with multiple fishies in the hand, they "school" together to combine their outs. That is, any one of them is likely to win the hand by hitting one of the combined cards to improve. So the poor players combine to beat the ever living crap outta the good player(s) at the table just by being stupid. Makes you think about playing Rockets again, doesn't it?

The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly

The Good: My boss gave me 2 tickets to this weeks Houston "We're going for the first round draft pick" Texans game. Also I'm 46% of the way to clearing the bonus @ Interpoker. As an aside, they're having a "Dead Man's Hand" promo this weekend. See site for details.

The Bad: I went down another buy-in trying to clear said bonus. Let me get this straight, the bonuses are supposed to cushion the variance right? Good, because without it, I'd be S.O.L.

The Ugly: My friend R's plumber's crack. If I've seen it once, I've seen it a thousand times. Good grief R, get some freaking suspenders, or some Crack Spackle. Do the world a favor, please.

Short post today because I'm freaking BUSY this afternoon saving the local population of puppies and kitties. Awww, how sweet. And I wonder why I'm still single.

Keep on keepin' on kids.

P.S. Paradisepoker.com is having a reload bonuse this weekend. Up to 25%. Hit them up for it.

It Was Fun While It Lasted

The World Series went by faster than Ben Johnson on steroids. Ouchy, you have to hate getting swept, but at least the boys played well. Hats off to Brandon Backe who pitched yet another post-season gem. Nice. Congrats Astros, you made Houston proud. Next year we will just have to go ahead and win it all. I guess I'd better get my season tickets (like I have the $$$ for such luxuries; I need to save it for throwing virtual chips around like they're going out of style).

I'm getting closer to grinding away at the Interpoker bonus. I'm 33% there. And at least I have a little profit (including the future bonus, of course). Grinding away, 3 tabling gets interesting at times. At this rate, I should have cleared the bonus by, oh say, next Christmas. Yeah, I'm that good.

You know it's funny how everything is relative. When I first took the wild leap into the online poker/craps/lottery world, everything seemed to move so fast. And that was with just one table. In fact, it's only within the last 3-4 months, that I have even attempted to multi-table. Then I took the leap into 2 tables at once. My nerves were shot after just playing for 30 minutes after the first time I did it. Now, I seem to get bored while playing just 2 tables. Every once in a while, I'll just play 1 table, when I decide to really concentrate on the other players. Damn, it's hard to do now. And don't get me started on Brick and Mortar casinos, especially while folding for 2 hours straight, and watching idiotic morons win huge pots with 83os. But I digress. I guess what I'm trying to say is that it's pretty interesting how your perspective changes. One day you're freaking playing one table. The next day you're bored with 4 tables going, 2 dogs nipping at your feet (it's happened many times to me), music blaring, and a roommate that's screaming about his bad beat as he's sitting next to you. I'm all grows up. I'm all grows up. Wow, if only I can get back to a consistent upswing, things will be Oh-Tay!

My sister is coming to visit me this weekend. We haven't hung out together in years (I mean just the two of us). Now stop singing that song.....Just the two of us, you and I. Argh. Sorry. We're gonna go to a huge tailgate party before/after the Mighty Mighty Houston Texans game. It should be a lot of fun, assuming that she doesn't get so drunk that she hurls in my bathtub again. It actually happened once; chicken parmesian w/a heavy dose of rum and cokes all over my bathtub. Nice, thanks a lot Little Sis. It was pretty freaking hilarious though, because her new boyfriend at the time cleaned it all up.

Well kids, I think I'm gonna watch Daisy chew off Earl's (my other dog) ear. I don't know how it doesn't hurt, bu she bites the crap outta him, and he doesn't flinch. Keep on keepin' on.

Ah, Blue-Balled Again

As fate would have it, my sister called me this morning saying that she knew someone that was wanting to sell their ticket to tonight's World Series game. Needless to say, I got a little excited. To make a long story short, about an hour ago, my sister calls me saying that the deal went south, through no fault of hers or the guy that had the tickets. Ah, to almost taste the sweet nector that is World Series baseball, and then get kicked in the nads stings a little. Damn you fate!!!

On a much brighter note, I finally had a winning session!!!! It's been since Moses led the Jews out of Egypt that I had one. I went up about 1/2 of a buy-in so that's not too shabby. I'll enjoy this small victory while it lasts......Nice.

Well, I'm off to watch Brandon Backe and the Astros try and win a game in this here W.S. Hey, the Red Sox did it, right? Keep on keepin on.

0-3, Are You Kidding Me?

Yesterday was rough on the old ticker, as the Astros managed to piss away another game, and I managed to donated 1/2 a buy-in to my fellow gamblers of the world on Interpoker. First poker. I was 2-tabling on Interpoker for about an hour. I felt pretty good to start out as I was treading water for the first 20 minutes. Then I won a huge 16BB pot heads up when I turned the nut straight. But, as Ms. Variance loves to do, she slapped me silly and I left torn and shattered.

I did manage to have a guy "flirt" with me while I was playing. You see, on all but one of the sites I play on, I have a female name. It's a pretty cute name though. So I think that this guy was feeling sorry for me as I kept loosing pot after pot. I feel flattered and also slightly dirty. Does that make me gay? No dude, it's that you sleep with men that makes you gay. Ah, I see. By the way, I AM NOT GAY, so don't get any bright ideas Cameltoes.

And now to a brighter thing about yesterday: Bud Selig. I just have one word to say: #$%hole. ARE YOU KIDDING ME? Making the Astros open the roof is freaking ridiculous. You don't think the fact that he's a LIFELONG White Sox fan had anything to do with it, do you? Nah. Couldn't be.

I came really close to shedding tears watching Game 3 last night. The Astros are trying really hard to gift wrap this Series. I'm almost numb to it now. As I was moping about this morning, my phone rings. It's my sister saying that she knows somebody with a ticket. I liven up a little bit at the prospect of going to the World Series. I'm still waiting for the deal to go through. I feel like a drug addict, waiting to get his fix. Good grief.

Well, wish me luck. And wish the Astros for a miracle, cuz they need it. Keep on keepin on.

Ouchy, Ouchy, Ouchy Part Deux

Uncle, Uncle, Uncle. This is really getting absurd. I decided to try and play a few hands and get closer to clearing my bonus at Interpoker. I fired up a table there, but I only had enough $$ to play at one table (yep kids, poker's going that well). I also hit up a table on Paradise (my usual site). I played fine, I guess, but I'm not really sure about this Ms. Variance. She's getting pretty crotchety with me. Again, none of the gory details, as there's no need to put y'all asleep, but it's been more and more and more of the same. It's the freaking Energizer Bunny. I must have hurt a cute and fuzzy bunny somewhere along the way to deserve this sort of treatment at the tables.

Maybe the Astros will fair better being in their home turf. Have you heard the controversy about the roof? The Astros want the roof closed, to keep the noise in, and MLB may not let them. If MLB steps in an overrides the Astros, I will not be a happy camper. That is B.S. if they make them open the roof. That's why they call it home field advantage. Otherwise, what's the point of having a roof anyway?

What a day. At least I don't have to go to work tomorrow, as I have Tuesday's off (enter dancing little people stage left). Yeah!!!

Oh and one more thing, many thanks to N (you know who you are) for the hospitality on Saturday. And just think, my dogs didn't even crap on your floors. See, some good things do happen.

And I'm spent. Keep on keepin on.

Ouchy, Ouchy, Ouchy

Wow. What in the samhell is going on with the White Sox? Can they get more freak calls go in there way? And how in the hell did Podsednik hit a walk-off homerun, after the Astros tied the game back up in the top in the ninth. The Astros just found a way to lose that game. Over and over again. It's getting tough on the old heart these last two games. Damn you Podsednik, I'm gonna kick you in the nads. But the next 3 games are in Minute Maid Park and it's do or die time. Plus with Roy Oswalt, you got to love are chances.

That all I have to say about that. Oh yeah, and congrats to the Texans for going 0-6. Wow. Wow. Wow.

I can't really think of anything else to say today, as the Astros are killing my drive to write. Keep on keepin on.

No Bueno

Rocket, Rocket, Rocket. Gets pulled about 32 seconds into the game. Ouchy. In his defense, he does have the jacked-up hamstring (technicle term). At least the Astros held on and made it respectable. I did find out that Cameltoes missed out on a 20-1 bet that Mike Lamb would be the first player to hit a home run. Damn you Jermaine Dye, you screwed up my degenerate gamlber friend's glory.

Since I fully believe in Andy Pettitte, I placed a small wager (5 dollars!!!) on the Astros, without the spread. He's gotta be able to last longer the Roger, right?

That's it for today kids, too much sports on today to spend time @ the computer, and I'm still a little hung over. GO ASTROS, and keep on keepin on.

World Series Baby!!

Today marks history folks. The Astros are about to play in their first World Series tonight. I am even wearing my "non-white socks" today. Actually they are khaki, for those of you keeping score. I just have two words, GO ASTROS!!!!

Ah Texas Hold 'em, what a curious game. For those of you that actually care, I ask this question, What is the better way to handle bad swings? Either I a) keep trudging on, sticking to my guns by playing the solid poker that has worked in the past. Or do I b) stop playing for a while, and wait for the bad luck to subside? I'm not sure it's possible to outrun/wait out bad luck/variance. I think it's like a boiling bowl of soup that you have to eat, either you drink it all down quickly (that being a relative term) and let it burn like hell to get it over with. Or you can sip on it, having it burn in small amounts at a time. I guess I have been doing both, with neither method working. Damn you variance, you go to hell and you die! Leave this poor veterinarian alone.

If I had lived my entire life without hearing this, it would be too soon. What follows actually happened to me during my first 3 or 4 months as a "doctor" (not a "real doctor" mind you). This will be know as the "I Use Urine In New and Exciting Ways" award. Two lesbians in their early 20's (simmer down fellas, they weren't THAT type of lesbians) enter my clinic with their chihuahua that's pregnant. They want her X-rayed (not a real word I realize) to see how many puppies this bitch (not the lesbian) was going to have. So I take the dog back for the radiographs. In the meantime, another woman walks in with her new "Pomeranian" puppy. This woman was about as bright as a burned out lightbulb, which is going to become real apparent in a few sentences. This woman actually bought a chihuahua/dachshund mix and she had no idea what the difference was. Nice scam, huh. Now you see why I get so mad at shady breeders (see here for more info with bad breeders). Anyway, so the not so smart woman (here after known as NSSW) and the lesbian start talking in the waiting room. This is where things get crazy. The NSSW tells the lesbian about how she's having a hard time house training her Pomeranian/chihuahua/dachshund puppy. The lesbian, in her astounding intelligence, tells her the following:

"Oh that's easy to take care of. You know how dogs "mark" their own territory? Well, since dogs have such a keen sense of smell I decided to show my chihuahua who's boss. I urinated on a towel, and then I took said urine soaked towel around my house and blotted my urine in every room of my house. That way she will know that this is "my" house."

I kid you not. That is what she said. It gets even better..... the NSSW then said, "Really, I never thought of that. I guess I'll have to try it out."

And that folks is why there should be a law against stupid people breeding. Congratulations on your award ladies. Truly amazing.

Keep on keepin' on kids. And do NOT use this method for house training your puppy.

P.S. I just went to see what my next appointment is. Here's what it says, "Office call: swollen vagina." And you just thought you wanted to be a veterinarian.

TGIF

I decided to not play poker last night, as I'm still trying to calm down from the incredibly bad session yesterday. I did have a really great session a few weeks ago. It all went down to one hand at a limit table. I had QQ in MP. This was my 2nd hand at this table, so I didn't have a read on anybody. There was a raise in front of me, one caller, and I make it 3 bets to go. Four of us see the flop of Q7J rainbow. I start dancing on the ceiling at this point (oh what a feeling, when we're dancing on the ceiling, sorry Lionel). Initial raiser bets out, next dude calls I raise, then something crazy happens. Then remaining players decide to hang on and start throwing virtual chips around like mad. The four of us stay in with it capped. Then the turn brings what I didn't want, a Ten, and as bad as I've been running you'll see why I was scared. Again, the betting was like the flop, same bat time, same bat channel. I am practically screaming at the computer to pair the board. Hold on sports fans, I gotta hold the suspense.......the river brings a glorious Ten. By this time everyone calms down and the other 3 of them call my raise. I took down a huge pot and was very happy after that. I remember thinking that now maybe my luck/karma/bad mojo had turned around. Oh poor, poor Forrest Gump, he tries so hard. Yeah, I realize how futile such thinking is, but it's hard not to. The road goes on forever and the party never ends.

Start rant: Well, it's the end of the work week (cheers & applause). Only it's not really the end of the work week, because I, like most veterinarians, have to work on Saturdays. The fun part about Saturdays, is that you get to examine a full days worth of patients in less than a half day. In other words, imagine doing all that you have to do in your job in a normal day, then compress it into 1/2 that amount of time. Oh, and do it on Friday, and add a lot of frustrated people to the mix. Why are they frustrated you may ask? Because they had to *shudder* wait a little while in a doctors office. Oh the humanity. If they only realized that they, like everyone else waiting, all decided to get fluffy examined all at the same time. Bottleneck ensues. End rant. Whew, I feel better.

Tomorrow brings in the Astros first World Series EVER!!!! So for you sports fans out there, this is a "white socks free weekend". Now is the perfect time to bring out those brown socks that your grandpa wore. Yippee!!! I was getting tired of wearing boring white socks anyway. I might even break out the brown polyester pants *shudder*. And I wonder why I'm still single.

I'm gonna look at a couple kitties that I'm gonna have to neuter this morning. Ah, I love the smell of testicles in the morning......wait, that didn't come out right. Ah, forget it.

-------------------------------------------------------

What follows here is a new award I have just created. What's that you say, there's an award to be given? Yes there is kids. It's called the "I Got Taken To The Cleaners Award" (by the way, I feel absolutely horrible for what happened to this person). I realize that many people out there know absoultely nothing about dogs, other than they are fun to play with and they look cute when they're small (hence the reason that "satan in dog form", a.k.a. chihuahuas, are around). This one takes the cake. It starts by my technician telling me that I have to examine a 10 month old maltese puppy. Sounds fine enough. She then tells me that there is no way that this dog is that old. By the odd look on her face I realized pretty quickly that something was up. I walk in expecting the worst. I see a 18-19 year old girl with her cute new "puppy" complete with a bow in it's hair (insert oooohs and aaaaahs here). I start my exam by looking at the dogs teeth, since that's how we estimate age in animals. What I saw caused my jaw to drop, which doesn't happen very often unless she walks by. This dog had about 10 teeth left in it's rotting mouth (which means that this "puppy" is really about 8 years old or more). This dog made these dudes look healthy. This girl goes on to tell me that she saw an add in the paper for a maltese "puppy". The lady meets her at a store parking lot (BAD idea kids), shows her the dog, and pulls out an envelope with records and AKC registration papers. The girl finds out that this dog is ONLY $500. What a steal!! So she runs to the ATM and buys herself a "puppy". She calls the veterinary clinic that is on the "records", only to find out that they have no record of this breeder or the dog. The girl then looks through the rest of the "papers" only to find blank printer paper. Rugh row Shaggy, we have a crime here. Let's call the Fred and Daphnie to solve this mystery.

Exhibit A: Shady location to buy a puppy.
Exhibit B: A good deal for only $500
Exhibit C: Naive girl
Exhibit D: Fake papers
Exhibit E: Smart, attractive, and single veterinarian..... wait that's not an Exhibit
Exhibit F: All phone calls made to the seller are left unanswered.

Conclusion: This girl just paid a HELLUVA lot o' money for an old dog. Oh yeah, the breeder will get hers in this life or the next. I HATE criminal/shady breeders. "You're in big trouble mister" (said while shaking my finger at the screen). Bonus points if you can name the TV show.

So the "I Got Taken To The Cleaners" award goes to......... drum roll please..... the girl with the maltese "puppy".

That's all for now, now enjoy watching the Astros. Keep on keepin' on.

HOLY TOLEDO, THE HOUSTON ASTROS WIN THE PENNANT!!!

UNBEEEEEEEEELIEVABLE!!!!! I just had the most amazing experience this season with the Astros. I was fortunate enough to make it to all 5 of the home games this playoff season, and if you want to know what it sounded like to be in Minute Maid Park, think about standing next to a jet plane, then turn up the volume. Crazy. Hit this page for the 411 on the 'Stros.

For this playoff season, the same as last season, my friends and I hit up the Homeplate Bar & Grill. It's kinda like our version of Cheers, only the bartender there doesn't have a sweet mullet. But it's nice to have a place where, when the place is packed after a Astros game, the bartender slides you a Miller Lite without having to ask for it. I always enjoy the faces of the other cats that have been waiting for 15 minutes, when they realize that I got served before them. Hey, it pays to be a regular. And when you attend as many Astros games as I have, you deserve it.

After that glorious last out by Jason Lane (said in the way that only the Astros announcer can do), I gave my friend Cameltoes a call (the nickname isn't dirty, so get your head outta the gutter). Needless to say he was pretty excited, and thankfully, his coffee table managed to survive his celebration dance, which I can only imagine was performed in his boxers (dang you Cameltoes, now I have a sick image in my head). My liver, unfortunately, did not fair so well. I'm no "real doctor", but I don't think that slammin' bourbon and cokes and Miller Lite during the game does a body good. Oh sweet nector of the gods. Luckily, this morning's hangover was a mild one, as I didn't pay homage to the porcelain god. Yay!!! Baby steps, baby steps.

On the poker front, I started my initial bonus whoring recently on Interpoker, which has a $90 initial deposit bonus. They also have a monthly reload bonus, which I hope to take advantage of. At my current rate of attempting to clear the bonus, I will be $229.68 in the RED by the time I get through it. Nice huh? Gotta love bonus whoring. Of course that's just an average loss at my current rate, so variance can still kick me in the nads harder than that, if it feels so inclined. Oh the humanity.

I swear that I really am a winning player. Really. I started the year out nicely and going into July, I was ahead by a nice sum. But then something horrid happened. The laws of probability started taking effect. You know that you're a huge dog to hit your set, but hey I'll call that bet, and hit it. Doing that once is O.K., but over, and over, and over, and over, for weeks and weeks is really starting to get old. Kind of like, "Look kids, Big Ben, Parliament." I've managed to bring my profits down to about 1/3 or so in that amount of time. Judas Priest kids, do you have all kick me at once?

Someday the odds will smile on me again......someday. I guess it's kinda like the odds of the Astros making it to the World Series after being 15-30 at the start of the season. But it happened.

So kids, rest easy, strange things are happening now. "Dogs and cats, living together, mass hysteria". What will happen next?

We'll talk to ya later, so in the meantime, keep on keeping on.

P.S. Anyone have World Series tickets they want to sell me at face value?? I didn't think so.


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There is no way to outrun back luck/karma/variance/the plague/pissed off chihuahuas/ex-girlfriends. This afternoon I fired up Interpoker to try and grind away at the bonus. First the good news, I only have about 350 more raked hands left. Yeah!! The bad news is that I went down half a buy-in in about 30 minutes. Oh you dirty whore, with your promises of sweet goodness, only leaving me with a case of "it burns when I drain the lizzard". What is wrong with this. I'm not gonna bore you with any details, but these 2nd best hands are killing me.

Maybe I should sell semen instead. At least that gives you a steady paycheck, and a side benefit of spreading my seed without having to worry about the changing diapers thing. I can handle animal crap all day long, even going armpit deep into a mare's rectum is nothing, but human excriment is an entirely different animal (pun intended). But I digress.

I guess I'd better get to work or something; I have more chihuahuas to try to save whilst they attempt to take off my hand. Why did I choose this profession? Oh yeah the money.....wait, I'm not a "real doctor", so I make as much as a sanatation worker. Oh yeah, the love of animals. Preach on brotha.

Keep on keepin' on, because that's all you can do.

My puppy Daisy

Here's my puppy Daisy, although she's over a year old now (I really need to get a digital camera so I can easily upload photos). I have another pooch named Earl, but I don't have any pictures on my computer to upload of him. Sorry Earl. The youngest always gets the best treatment.

Later kids, keep on keepin on.

Big D Enters Poker Blogging

Have you ever thought about how much your life would be different if you had simply made 1 different choice? I'm talking about a seemingly small and insignificant choice, made rather quickly, that ends up changing the direction of your life.

Well folks, that one descision for me was diving into the world of online poker.

Almost three years ago, one of my friends started talking about playing cards "online". I thought he was crazy, putting his money into a shady offshore website that was going to surely steal his money. And so, when I realized that he wasn't getting robbed (well, at least not by the casino.....oh wait, he was. It's called the rake kids, but that's for another day), I thought to myself, "This doesn't look that hard. You mean all I have to do is sit in front of my computer, click the mouse, and watch the money fly into my clammy hands?" Sign me up.

Ahh, the mind of a child, how innocent and sweet.

It was crazy of me to think that this game we try to play would be so easy. Now years later, I sit looking like I just left the ring after a round with Mike Tyson (in his early days, not his "I'm hungry, so I think I'll eat Holyfield's ear" days). If I've learned anything about this game, it's that variance is a dirty whore that will sweet talk you into going up to that hotel room. Hey, what can it hurt? It's all fun and games until someone looses a penis. That's when you realize that you have to pay for the "services", and yes, you may actually loose a penis for what you did.

What am I trying to get across to the world? It's that the swings can be horrific, and don't ever get cocky. You have to remember that skill only accounts for a small percentage of advantage in this here game that we play. Any session can be the greatest ever, where everything goes right You laugh at the mules cold-calling 3 bets w/Q3os (don't you just love the gay waiter?) when you have Cowboys. Or, when people continually fold to your bluffs, semi-bluffs, and what-have-yous. That's when you think that you are the greatest player in the world (a.k.a Phil Hellmuth, whatever), and that you can do no wrong.

Oh, but the pendulum has to swing the other way, now doesn't it? And that's where I am today, and where I have been for the last month and a half. Judas Priest, it hurts like a mother trucker when it goes wrong. Don't you hate that feeling, when you can't figure out why you just got slapped for the 15th time by that dude named "ilovecrayons" or some other idiotic name? That cat wouldn't know a good hand if it came up and bit him like a130 lb. "rockweiler" on a poor little kitty.

Well, I hope that you enjoyed my virgin leap into the blogging world. We will talk to you later.