There's No Place Like Home

I hope everyone had a great Christmas with the family. I had a great time, and this Christmas was different because it's the first Christmas in a long time that it was just the five of us (and my uncle and aunt). It was pretty nice. Ah, memories.

But it's always nice to go back home, especially for the home cooked meals. Mom can still cook like a pro, and would make anyone in the Iron Chef cry. I always get sentimental when I go home, sorry. I think I'm becoming choked up. Naaaaah.

Poker content:
Poker playing went very well over the Christmas extended weekend. I played Titan poker around midnight and the people playing then were idiots, which made for a very nice padding of the bankroll. Overall it was a good time.

I just downloaded Full Contact Poker recently. I like the site, and there are already about 12,000 players at most times (pretty good for a site that just opened up this month). They have a %50 initial deposit bonus up to $200, and an extra 10% if you use Neteller to make your deposit. Not too shabby. The difficult part is trying to tract your progress, as there's no way to determine how close you are to clearing the bonus. They say that it's released in increments, but it's unclear how and in what amounts ($5, $10, $100????) so it's still a learning process for me. There are some pretty bad players there, which in my 3 sessions, the mules have taken me for about $50, but I'm just waiting for the variance to swing back my way.

Keep on keepin' on.

The Cracker Jack With a Prize Inside

Today started off normal enough. Wake up, shower, get to work, see patients, heal sick puppies. But it wasn't to stay like that. Oh no. After seeing a few patients and performing a spay on a chihuahua, I was just about ready to head home for lunch, when my receptionist came back to tell me that there was a dog that was in a dog fight. This bad boy was a 100 pound lab mix that was on the receiving end of an ass-whopping. She had puncture wounds all over her. I mean legs, chest, belly, tail, everywhere but the face. Two women brought the dog in (I assume a mother-daughter team of about 65-30 respectively). I tell them that I was going to take care of her and get her cleaned/stitched up. O.K. no problem.

Her's where it gets interesting. They come back later that afternoon to pick up their dog. I go through and tell them about the medication that I was sending home, how to keep the wounds clean, and what not. They both understand and so I send them out with their dog. Now mind you, the waiting room is full of people and the parking lot is too (this is going to become more important to the story later, I promise). A few minutes later, my receptionist comes back saying that the dog is bleeding, and they want me to look at the dog in the back seat of their car.

So I head outside to the car to check out the dog. The dog is in the back seat and I go to the passenger side of the car where the daughter is standing telling me about the blood coming out of her dog. I start to examine the dog, as she's telling me about the blood as I'm straining to look at this 100 lb dog in the back seat of a 4-door Ford Escort (in other words, this dog is PACKED into this back seat). The daughter tells me that the blood is coming from the other side of the dog, so I walk around the back of the car to get to the driver's side, which is where the mother is.

Just as I round the corner of the back bumper and place my foot down by the rear tire, I hear the gut wretching sound of HUGHUHGGGGHH! My heart stops as I try with all my might to stop my momentum, as I'm heading directly into (wait for it, wait for it) a growing pile of vomit!!! You guess it, the mother hurled on the asphalt right as I was rounding the corner of the car. I check my boots and they were clean and right after the woman's first stomach-emptying contraction was over, she apologized, a split second before the heaving began again.

I told her, "No problem." like I see this every day, stopped mid-stride, and turned around to head by from whence I came. So I return to the passenger side of the vehicle where the daughter is standing there, completely unaffected by her mother's vomiting (odd huh?). She is asking me all sorts of questions, and I'm thinking, "Isn't she gonna check on her mother? And how am I still keeping a straight face?" I tell her that the dog is O.K. and it's just a couple of the roughly 20 or so puncture wounds draining, and that it's a good thing. All of this is happening as the mother is continuously hurling her guts out. I kid you not. I'm trying soooooooo hard to concentrate on what the daughter's saying (and doing quite well, I might add), while thinking how glad I am that I didn't start hurling along with her. 'Cause that'd be nice, both of us tossing our cookies in unison, while there's a 100 pound dog in the back seat of a car, and the daughter stands there without a care in the world. Real professional, I know.

Here's what's funny: Mom keeps apologizing to me in between the wretching, while I'm trying to calm the daughter down, and the dog's in the back seat saying to me, "Dude, now you now what I have to put up with." Amazing.

Now have a Merry Christmas, 'cause I don't know if I'm gonna be able to write anything for the next 4-5 days. Hope this keeps a brotha laughing during the Christmas weekend.

So remember the real meaning of Christmas while you are with you families. Keep on keepin on, because I think I'm gonna blow chunks now.

I Keep Trying

Played another $100 million freeroll tourney at Titan. Another example of my MTT prowis, I finished 7th, with the top 5 advancing to the freeroll. Nice, huh? Unbelievable. I can't make it in a MTT to save my life. This is really frustrating, as I'm sure that most of you know (I mean the 1-2 of you that might read this). Another day at the office, I guess.

Let's see, anything interesting to write about??? I got all my Christmas shopping done in about 2 hours, including about 1 hour and 15 minutes of travel time to and from the stores. Not bad, if you ask me. It's also helps shopping a few days before Christmas, on a Tuesday, at 10:00 A.M. Not a whole lot of people out then. Exept old people. I guess now that I'm 30, I qualify as old, especially since my 19 year-old roommate keeps bringing girls over that are his age. About 3-5 years ago, maybe I could get a second look from that age group. Not now. Now I'm just another old dude.

I'm too pissed to write anymore. Keep on keepin' on.

I've Got Dem MTT Blues

Played 3 MTT's today. Here are the totals: $6 buy-in, $3 cashout. Net loss: $3. Not bad, considering my history of rarely finishing in the money. Hey, 2 of them were free-rolls. I finished pretty well in all of them, but I just can't pop the cherry to the big money (OK, not BIG money, just something over $100). At least I did better than Cameltoes, who played in 2 of the 3 tourney's I played in. He didn't even get any money in his grubby hands. Ha Ha Dr. Toes. Oh well.

I have to appologize for the lack of any decent material of late. With no internet at work, I get pretty pressed for time at home to write. O.K., I really have plenty of time, but I'm either sleeping, eating, or playing poker when I'm at home, so there, I'm being honest at least. I really don't have any good/funny stories to tell from work. I'm getting lame in my old age.

Keep on keepin' on kids.

Yeah, But My Mom Said I Play Well, So There.

Interpoker today had $1,000 added $5 buy-in MTT's (multi-table tourney) today. So I figured, "Hey, you're a fabulous NL MTT player, try it" (sarcasm). Considering the luck I've been having at them I figured what could I loose? Apparently the other's in the tourney didn't realize my wicked skillz at the table as I finished 37 out of 200 (top 30 got paid). But I did call up my mom and tell her how I did, and she said that she still loves me, so everything's O.K., right? I need to get a life, or at least that cross-dressing midget (click on it, I dare you)I've been wanting. Oh well.

Wanna know how I got busted out? No..........Well too bad. I had TT vs. the villains ATos. Villain hit his Ace on the flop. This is really getting old.

Dr. Toes (a.k.a. Cameltoes) kicked some booty on a MTT this early morning by winning the sucker (out of 95) and taking home about $250. Then in the same tourney that I played in at Interpoker, he finished 7th out of the 200. His 33 lost to A8os as the dude hit a str8. Poor, poor Cameltoes.

Keep on keepin' on.

Premature Ejaculation (Part 2)

I suck. And not just bananas (just kidding, they're cucumbers. O.K., I really am just kidding. It's Cameltoes that does that). Titan had a freeroll tourney and guess who finished 202 out of 218? I'll give you a hint, he's tall, dark, and handsome. You damn right......It's me. I did it. The really frustrating thing about it was that there were only 5 people playing at my table (the other 4 were sitting out), and I was the only one that really realized how to take advantage of the situation.

Here's the hand that knocked me out: Under the gun (UTG) limps and folds to me in MP (middle position) and I have pocket 3's. I was planning on raising, but since he called, I decide to call and see the flop. SB calls and the BB (who's sitting out) checks. Flop is JhJd6h (I have the 3 of hearts by the way). UTG bets, I minimum raise to see where I stand, SB flat calls, and UTG folds. Turn is a glorious 3. SB checks, I bet and he insta-raises me all-in and I call. He has J7os, so I have him drawing to pretty slim. He hit's his 7 on the river, and I'm out licking my wounds on the rail.

Sorry Cameltoes, for not performing better under your screenname, but I didn't do any worse than you on your previous tourney (see Premature Ejaculation? if you don't remember).

And that kids is how you don't want a tourney to go. Keep on keepin' on.

Office Party

The night started off innocently enough, with 2 coolers full of enough beer to drown a boat load of sailors. You know how office parties start, slow and boring, mainly because nobody has had enough to drink to loosen them up, and because nobody really knew each other. A few drinks later, and we managed to get a poker game going (yes, I really did bring chips and cards to an office Christmas party, deal with it).

Here's the scene: Since a small group had already landed the kitchen table with a crazy variation of Chinese checkers, we were left to use our oversized cerebral cortices to come up with another place. "Oh, look outside on the porch, there's a table there." "Brilliant," I think, because it's only about 45 degrees outside, threatening rain and a frigid breeze that's enough to take the edge off any reselmbance of warmth we were trying to keep.

But don't worry, there's a chiminea that'll keep us all warm. Riiiiiiiiiight. After about 20 minutes of hassle, mainly me soaking every thing else but the logs full of lighter fluid, I got the sucker burning.* I seem to remember them putting out more heat that that sucker managed to put out. It was fine, as long as you were about 2 inches away from it. Oh well. Oh yeah, since we were in a modified covered porch, just about all of the smoke blew right on us. Nothing that a ceiling fan set a mach 10 couldn't fix. Great, now we have cold, a threat of rain, smoke, and gail force winds. But I digress.

So, with the fire burning, we managed to play what some people would call Texas hold 'em. I managed to be the first one out of our little tourney (4 players) by having my hammer (72os) and my A-Rod (Q8os) repeatedly torn apart, with the A-Rod failing me to knock me out of the tourney.

We were honored to have Lil N (not to be confused with Lil Kim) appoint herself as "all-time quaterback", I mean dealer, which was nice because I don't think my frostbitten fingers would have managed. Thanks for dealing and for the ride back home.

Keep on keepin' on.

* I must confess that I was using citronella juice to start this fire per the request of the home owner. I ended up breaking the bottle with my sheer, unadulterated strength and shot the fluid all over the place, including me. Nice, real nice. Stick a fork in me 'cause I'm toast.

Poker Issues

I'm listening to a local talk radio station and they're talking about how bad online poker is. They are having a bunch of callers talking about how bad it is and that how horrible it is.

What started this off was the story about a 19 year old kid who racked up $5000 of debt via online poker. Well he decided that the best way to clear this would be to rob a bank! Great idea. He could have worked 3-6 months and paid that sucker off. They arressted him about 4 hours later at his frat house. Here's the good part (sarcasm), he only stole $2800 from the bank! Nice, now you're going to jail and still owe almost 1/2 of your total debt. Ouchy on the cho-cho.

Another caller talked about how her husband is addicted to online poker and has lost over $22,000 in cash + and undetermined amount on credit cards. She is about to file for divorce and take the kids too. She has told him numerous times about this threat, and he's not stopping. He clearly is addicted to gambling, and should be put in an asylum. I'm thinkin', why doesn't the wife shut off the internet? That'd at least stop him for a while.

The moral of the story kids? Don't gamble your rent money!!! Did you hear me, don't gamble your rent money! There now I've said it.

Keep on keepin' on.

Are We There Yet?

Another week started, another dollar to make. Only 13 shopping days left kids, so make your list, and check it twice, 'cause your wife/girlfriend is gonna whoop your butt if you don't get her something nice. Don't say I didn't warn you Big R. There, that was my public service announcement for you.

Today, as I walk into work, I see another 10 pound dog that's waiting for me with vomiting and diarrhea. This diarrhea isn't as horrifically bloody as the previous dog I wrote about (see here if you don't remember or hadn't read it). The main difference is that this owner is either extremely neurotic or drunk. Either one, take you pick. She dropped the dog off at 8:20 A.M. today, and called the clinic less than 15 minutes later wondering what was wrong with the dog. I'm good, but I'm not that good, considering I hadn't even had the chance to examine the dog yet (since I didn't get there until 8:30). Then she manages to call the clinic about 4-5 more times in the next 3 hours asking if the dog is better yet. Each time I tell her, "It's gonna take some time, I will let you know if there are any changes." At one point she called at about 11:00, asking how the dog is doing, and then called again 15 minutes later, asking how the dog is doing. I told her, "He's doing the same as he was when you called me 15 minutes ago. This is going to take a little bit longer for him to get better."

Imagine if you had the flu, you wouldn't exactly be better in 15 minutes would you? I'm still trying to figure out what is wrong with her, because it's not just her insatiable love for her dog.

Oh well, I gotta get back to saving the puppies of the greater Houston area, so keep on keepin' on.

Where Everybody Knows Your Name

I had a great time this weekend in San Antonio (a.k.a. Little Mexico). Got to my friends house late Friday night, because I live about 1000 miles from anywhere, and that I don't get off work until 6. Saturday was spent watching a great band (South Austin Jug Band) at Gruene Hall (pronounced "green"). If you like bluegrass music w/a modern twist, you'll love these guys. Musical geniuses.

Saturday night was spent hanging out w/both sets of friends and the little baby. Good times, except the lil girl was a bit cranky. It's hard being a 3 month old. Ole Judy kept us laughing with his crazy stories about his past. Gotta love it when you laugh so hard that your gut hurts and you fall out of your chair. The good ole days relived.

I didn't play one hand of poker for about 48 hours, and it felt kind of nice. Now I'm playing at Titan poker trying to clear the deposit bonus (which clears incredably slow at the $1/$2 tables). It takes about 333 raked hands to clear $10 of bonus. At $2/$4 and above, it clears in half the hands. Plenty of bad players there, so it makes up for the slow clear rate.

That's about it for now. Keep on keepin' on.

Thank God It's Friday

Yeah, I know that's been the title to a previous post....sort of, but now I really, really mean it. I'm now working my 9th out of 10 days in a row, and I'm getting pretty tired of work right now. I finally get TWO DAYS OFF IN A ROW!!! I realize to your normal people out there are thinking, "Hey, 2 days off in a row is no big deal, I get it every weekend." Well I don't, and I'm pretty freaking excited about it, although I'm more tired than anything so I won't exactly be painting the town red tonight. So, it's pretty hard to describe my excitement.

I"m heading to San Antonio tonight, so I'm pretty excited, as I'm gonna visit a few friends from college. One of them just had a baby a couple months ago, so I'm gonna see her for the first time. Man I'm getting old.

"Yeah, I've got a pretty busy little weekend planned. Gonna go visit some friends, check out their new baby, maybe go out to eat or go to Borders. But I don't know if we're gonna have enough time."*

Read 'em and weap, baby. Keep on keepin on kids.

* That was a rough paraphrase from "Old School" in case you didn't recognize it (Lil N).

The Randal Lives....Twice

Poker Content:
For those 1-2 readers of mine out there, you will realize what hand is known as "The Randal"*. But just in case some poor schmuck happens to read this, I will define the hand. It is the all-powerfull 6-3. That's right, only slightly better than the hammer (7-2). Well, something really cool happened yesterday while I was trying to clear Titan's bonus. I got the soooooooted Randal in the BB, and about 3 people limped, so I checked. Flop hits 459 rainbow. Kick ass, now I have an openended and a backdoor flush draw. I check and 2-3 of us see the flop. Turn is an Ace and again I check and then it's heads up. River brings a 2. Nice huh? Here's what happens next. I check, he bets, I raise, and he reraises back at me. I then make sure that I actually have the straight, and I cap it. He calls, and I take down a pretty pot.

Two or three orbits later, I again get the Randal sooooooted in the BB. Long story short, I catch a runner-runner straight and take down a small pot because it was checked all the way until the river and I only had 1 caller. Not too shabby of a day for the ole Randal. The hammer has nothing on you.

Keep on keepin on.

* 6-3 became known as "The Randal" as a result of two huuuuuuge pots that were won at my home game with that hand by a friend of mine. Now you know, and knowing's half the battle.

Tis the Season

I really hate trying to figure out what to ask for for Christmas. I try to think of something sorta practical, but not something that I'd buy myself. Kind of hard. For instance, I wouldn't normally buy myself a cross-dressing midget, but that's something that should be on everyone's list. But how exactly to you describe that one to Mom?
"Uh, Mom, I want something a little different this year?"

She says, "What's that dear?"

"Um, I sure could use a cross-dressing midget to help me get through the days."

"You're not my son."

Ouch. You see kids, you really can't ask for that one. So where do you go from there? I already have all of the poker stuff I could need (nice poker table, chips, cards). What else could a man need? Well, I'm still trying to figure that one out.

Keep on keepin on

It Might Be Time For A Change

Poker content:
I'm beginning to seriously consider another passtime of which to earn some extra income. I'm really wondering if I am truly a winning player, or truly a losing player. The numbers are really starting to lead toward the latter. If it wasn't for the cushion of the bonuses, I'd be losing big time. I'm still trying to understand what is happening to my playing.

As I've previously stated, I really think that the players online have significantly changed since this spring. At least at the sites I've been playing at, the number of average/good players is greatly, I mean greatly, outnumbering the fishies (As a veterinarian, I realize that there is no such thing as "fishies", but I choose to use it because.....um....well....it's my blog.).

There was an article on cardplayer.com that talked about this fact. Unfortunately, there is no way I can remember who wrote the article, or which month it was written in, and I'm waaaaay too lazy to try and find it now. Anyway, he talked about how the poker bubble was gonna burst soon and people that are winning now, may not really be winning players. When I read that article (sometime in the spring) I thought, "No way he's talking about me. I'm a winner, I can feel it." Now I'm beginning to think that he was talking directly to me.

I really have no idea what my problem is. I consider myself a tight-aggressive player. I rarely tilt, and if I do, it's only for a few seconds, and I don't loose a bunch of bets at that time. I have my starting hands down, and I can adapt them to different tables pretty well. I usually know when I'm beat, and can normally lay down good hands when I know I'm beat. I rarely chase with nothing.

So what's the problem you may ask? Has this man just lost his poker mojo? Has he lost his mind? Is he really just a whimp? Some may say yes to all of the above. In fact, most would say yes to all of the above.

I feel that I'm reaching a crossroads of sorts in my poker-playing career. I'm not really sure if I'm gonna like the answer I come up with, if and when I actually get there.

In the meantime, keep on keepin' on.

PS I'm trying to come up with some more interesting veterinary related quips to throw out there, but none have been coming to my mind. I appologize to my 2-3 readers out there that are in mourning over the lack of at least something slightly funny to read about. It's been a rough week, you gonna have to be cuttin a brotha some slack beeeeoooooch. You betta axe somebody.

Premature Ejaculation?

There are some finishes in this world so profound, so amazing, that words cannot really do them justice.

Imagine, if you will, a scantily clad woman that's been eyeing you all night from the other side of the room. You finally muster up enough courage to go and talk to her, because you know that she is waaaaaaaaaaay outta your league buddy. Somehow, from utter dumb luck, she likes what you have to say, and dare I say, even finds you attractive. Things progress from there and you decide to go back to her place, since your's is a P.O.S. Everything's happening so fast and you're not sure where this is heading, but next thing you know, you're both naked and rolling around on her bed. Then the unthinkable happens.....You guessed it. You just shot your gun off a tad too early, and now you're like Jim in "American Pie" w/Nadia.

That kids, is what happened to Cameltoes today by finishing 4383 out of 4871 in Paradise's MillionDollar 2 tournament. Yep, the $1,000,000 freeroll tourney is going on as we speak and Cameltoes blew it. Well played my friend, well played.

Keep on keepin' on kids.

It Was the Best of Times, It Was the Worst of Times.

Poker Content:
My mule brain can't really comprehend what happened to me today. I was dealt all kinds of crazy cards today. (Big slick about 8,000 times, AQ (a.k.a. the Double D), and Big Noises (AA-JJ), etc). At one point I had AK, AK, and JJ all at the same time as I was 3 tabling trying to get through the Crypto bonuses. Here's the odd thing......I lost my ass today. Not a horrific loss of ass that will leave me with an even flatter ass, but enough to make me cry uncle. I kept getting dealt very nice starting hands and one of three things would happen 99% of the time. One: I'd steal the blinds. Two: I'd get a couple of callers, hit nothing, and get AK beat by J8os, or something of similar might. Or three: Hit a big hand, but run into a hand just one better. I had one guy who managed to take me for about 90% of a buy-in (most of which he took on 2 consecutive hands). Brutal. Make you wanna slap yo momma (sorry Mom, I don't mean you).

Non-Poker Content:
Random thoughts:

My dogs are two of the coolest dogs around. You can't beat a pair named Earl and Daisy. They are much, much better than Lil N's dog Shelby. At least my dogs can sit, stay, lay down, and wouldn't even think of waking my happy butt up in the morning.*

I never would have thought that I'd be the type to stay in on a Friday night; well, at least not every Friday night. This adult-job-thing really isn't all it's cracked up to be. I'm not sure if it has anything to do with me turning 30 or not, but I really don't enjoy working Saturdays after a night of watching Big R drink himself retarded (that's an inside joke that only Cameltoes, Big R and I will get, sorry). Maybe I'm thinking of this because I have a 19 year old roommate, who's always going out on Friday's, even though he also has to work Saturdays.

I also am realizing now that I used to be at least remotely funny, and I am crashing and burning now. I'm gonna put this baby to bed before I really write something stupid.........Too late.

Keep on keepin' on.

* In Lil N's defense, Shelby can sit and hold a treat on her muzzle and keep it there until you say that she can eat it. Little conciliation, I know.

Sorry Folks Parks Closed

I'm sorry to my 2-3 readers out there that have been disappointed in my lack of posts the last 2 weeks. Thanksgiving at my parents house with only dial-up internet pretty much hampered any hopes of posting. I did manage to work a couple of days their to earn some Christmas shopping money (No Lil N, you ain't getting nutin'). Then to top it off, my internet at work crashed this Monday, and since this time of year is very slow for veterinary clinics, my boss ain't in a real hurry to get it fixed. I usually post my blogs at work, and play the crap outta some cards, but not for a while now. Oh well, I guess that means I'll just have to read more instead.

It's the first of the month, so you'd better pay your rent, collect your paychecks, and get your asses to Will Hill (click on link @ right) and the other Crypto sites for their 5 pound/hour bonus. Gotta love it, although I managed to loose about $8.75 at Will Hill playing $1/$2 whilst clearing the 5 hour bonus. But I had a net profit of about $34, so I can't complain.

It's been one hell of a last couple of days, so I can't really think of anything funny or even remotely interesting to write about, so I won't waste anybodies time with dribble. Keep on keepin' on.

Sorry

Sorry folks. I've been VERY busy lately, so no posting. Hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving. I did.

Tomorrow's a big day for me. Not gonna be fun.

Until later, keep on keepin' on.

The Gift That Keeps On Giving

Non-Poker Content:

Imagine, if you will, a cute and cuddly 15 pound dog. He licks your face, wags his tail, and gets all excited when you come home. He's a bundle of joy. Now imagine that same dog, only with explosive, bloody diarrhea that will paint the walls at 10 feet. Add to that, this cute and cuddly dog is also hurling blood/bile/spit at every turn. Now I want to to really imagine now; think deep into your memory banks for this one. Imagine the worst smelling diarrhea that you have ever had....Come on now, I know you've had plenty of these, even you Lil N. Now add to this flavor, holding the cute/cuddly bundle of joy and getting this profuse bloody diarrhea, that smells like roses, on your pants. Then you will know what it has been like to be me this morning.

As I'm just about to brush my teeth and leave for work, my phone rings, which is odd, because the phone rarely rings at that time. I answer it and it's my clinic, telling me about this cute, bundle of joy. My receptionist called me telling me that I need to come into work ASAP because of this dog and the owner is freaking out. "Great," I think, "And I haven't even had my morning Mountain Dew yet." "Sounds like somebody has a case of the Mondays." Yep

Poker Content:
I'm almost done clearing my Absolute Poker deposit bonus, and man, this site is tighter than a virgin's honeypot. Not that it's anyting new. I've begun to notice something over the past few months: the sites are getting tighter (Party Poker not included). I think that most of the players now playing are much better than they were, on average, than 6 months ago. I'm seeing a lot of check raising, bluff raising on the turn, raising the flop with draws, and the like. Six to nine months ago, I rarely saw this, but now it's commonplace.

I have been analyizing my game a lot in the last few months, since I'm leaking money faster than the Titanic, and I think that these trickier players are at least partly to blame. It really is making things a lot more difficult. Before July, I was making a nice 2.5 BB/hr rate at the $0.5/$1 tables, now, it's down drastically (I don't have the data with me now, so I'm not sure what the exact number is currently). I do know one thing though, I have by far many more big loosing sessions that I do have big winning sessions. That also is eating me up. Almost every time I play $1/$2, I start out at least $15-$20 down within the first lap around the table. I don't really understand it. It's starting to get to me.

I just purchased "Winning Low Limit Hold 'em" 3rd ed. by Lee Jones. I haven't read through the entire thing, but there are some decent improvements over the previous editions. He has drastically cut the number of "speculative hands" that you can play from middle/late position, because, they can easily be a huge leak in many people's game. I tend to agree with him there. Is it correct to play 75s from late/middle position when 4 players are in? It's a tough call, as some people can make it a profitable play in the long run, but I think that most can't. I am pretty good about not getting crazy with these type of hands, but I still don't really play these types of hands. Then again, most sites I've been at are so tight, that you rarely see more than 4-5 people seeing the flop anyway, and most of the time, it's a blind-stealing slugfest.

I'll write more on the book as I read through the rest of it. And I might even put up my copy of his starting hands.

I can't wait to get home for Thanksgiving. Hey Mom, have the peach pie ready for me, I'm coming home. Keep on keepin' on kids.

Interesting

Here's an interesting hand. I'm playing $1/$2 at Absolute Poker (click link on right for up to $500 deposit bonus). I'm in the BB w/Ad5d. Under the gun (UTG) limps, MP dude raises. I call, and limper folds. Flop is AsKd4d. Nice, right? I check-raise, and he calls. Turn is the ooooh sooo sweet Qd. Money shot baby. I bet, he raises, I re-raise. Nice. Very nice. River is a Qc. At this point I think, "Hey, maybe he has AQ or KQ, or if I'm lucky, AK." I, like and IDIOT, bet out, he insta-raises me. I of course call, as he shows me KQos. I say "WOW, that hurt," as he rakes in a $27 pot. Christmas came early to that cat, and a nice kick in the junk for me.

Now I also realize that I probably shouldn't have called the raise from the BB, so maybe I deserved to get kicked in the nads.

The other hand that finished me off, I mean too the felt was this hand. I'm in BB w/AA (I actually was not at all happy to get it, seriously). EP calls and Button raises, I 3 bet it and both call. Flop is K63 rainbow. I bet, both call. Turn is a 9, I bet, MP calls, Button raises, I reraise, MP calls, and Button caps. I only have $2 left so I call, knowing full well that I'm toast. River is a 5, I check and call. The villain in the BB flips over 99 for a set of 9's. That was a really quick way to blow through $40 in 2 hands (which was basically all I played in the 1 hour that I played). After the hand I type sarcastically, "Well played." Dude says, "Thank you." The limper that folded said, "I agree." WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTT!?!?!?!?!?!?!

Not that anybody actually wanted to read this crap, but I feel a little better getting that off my chest. It didn't help that about 2 hours before this session, I got creamed for another buy-in at the 6 person max table in 20 minutes. I even had my KK beat by K4os. How could he have won, you might ask? He hit his 4 card flush. Oh, well he must have flopped the flush draw. No....the flop was QcJc6d. He had nothing. Brilliant play. Why is it that I can consistently book big losses, but can rarely book a big win??? Lately (since July) these kinds of ball-busting sessions are becoming more and more frequent. This is insanity at it's finest.

Keep on.......ah screw it. Poker sucks.

Oh My

Here's something really, really screwed up. You know the 18 yr. old that killed his 14 yr. old girlfriend's parents? Here's his blog. There are a boatload of comments, which are kind of hard to understand, since most of the people that have commented are probably 16 themselves, and can't write a coherent sentence to save their life, but it's interesting. It's pretty sad. You've got to be REALLY screwed up to think that killing your girlfriend's parents is a good idea, much less that you could actually get away with it. Who do you think is gonna one of the police's first suspect? Yep it's gonna be the 18 yr. old boyfriend. You gonna be locked up for a long time. As was said in Office Space, "Be sure to protect your cornhole." You damn right.

That's it for now. Keep on keepin' on.

PS. Here's the link to the 14 yr. old's blog. Crazy stuff.

Oh the Humanity

Saturday night was an interesting night at the casa (that means house, for those of you that don't speak Spanish). We had our weekly poker home game. I guess you can call it weekly, if by weekly you mean once every month or so. I think it's because Big R is scared of me, but it could also be because we consistently play with guys that are between the ages of 19 and 21. Scary, I know. To sum up, a plethora (Jefe, do you know what it means to have a plethora?) of verbal insults, bad beats, and the usual ballyhoo (sp?) were had. Also, enough Miller Lite was downed to keep a battleship full of sailors sauced for hours. Needless to say, nobody did a lot the next day. My roommate even emptied his entrails on the way to work Sunday morning. Good times. Good times.

My roommate got way more than his fair share of bad beats. Allow me to show you an example.*

Poker Content:

He's on the button w/AA, the SB is a very loose player (calls almost every hand), and I'm in the BB w/KQs. Roommate raises, SB calls, as do I. Flop comes QA3, and it checks all around. Turn is a T. Blinds check and Roommate bets, and we both call. River kills me as a K hits the board. SB checks, I bet, roommate calls, SB raises (he also makes a lot of bluff raises too), so we both call. I obviously have the worst of it, as the SB flips over J5sooooooted to take down the pot. Needless to say, Roommate is not happy, as this is about the 3rd or 4th bad beat he's taken.

Example #2: I'm in the BB again, w/Th9h. It folds to roommate on the button. He raises w/KdTd, SB folds, and I smile and call. Flop comes 4hTc8h, and I'm diggin' it. I check, he bets, I raise him. He grunts and calls. Turn is a Ts and I bet and roommate calls. River kicks Roommate in the nads as it's a 9s. I bet and he calls, and I flip over the sweetness of the T9soooooted. I realize that this isn't a true bad beat, as I had plenty of outs to overtake him, but it was pretty damn funny to beat him.

Example #3. I'm in the BB again, with Roommate again on the button. He again makes a blind-steal type raise, and I have T9os. Since I had just cracked him about 30 minutes ago with T9s, I have to call it. Flop hits T37, rainbow board. I bet, he calls, turn is a blank, I bet, he calls. River kicks him in the nads, as it's a 9. I bet and he calls, and I show my T9. He mucks, but tells me that he had K9sooooted. He says disgustedly, "I had you so dominated before the flop." I smile and say, "Yes you did, but I had T9, so I had to win."

The beats kept coming, as the next hand will further explain. Roommate has QQ UTG, and Loosey-Goosey (same guy as described in SB in first example) calls w/98os. Flop comes 922. Roommate bets, Loosey calls. Turn brings an 8, and Roommate bets all-in, and Loosey calls. You can guess what the river brings, a 9, giving Loosey a ball-busting full house. Roommate is, how can I say this, MAAAAAAAAD!

There were 3-4 more rough beats that he took during the night, but I can't remember all of the details very clearly. I even supposedly went blind all-in, again him on the very last hand of the night, got 84os, he got JJ, and I nailed the straight on the river. I really don't remember that, as it's just a vague memory, but I'll take it. It was 2:30 A.M, and we had been playing cards for about 8-9 hours, so I can't remember dem all.

* I should add that we all get a twisted pleasure outta sucking out on Roommate.

I Deserve a Pat on the Back Today

Poker content:

Yesterday was a marathon of bonus whoring. I downloaded both Totalbet and UKBetting last night, and managed to burn through both of there bonuses none the worse for wear. They are Crypto sites, so their interface is exactly the same as Interpoker and Will Hill. The only real difference between the sites is the color schemes, for those of you that are into interior design. Now I'm gonna have to find some more sites to bet my grubby claws into.

My only problem is with neteller. Well, it's nothing that they've done wrong, it's just a technicality, really. You see kids, as I've been bonus whoring around, I've been using Neteller's InstaCash for depositing. Well that's fine, as I get the $ in the site immediately, but the problem is that it takes about 4-5 working days for the transactions to clear Neteller (not my bank, mind you). Here's where the problem is: You can't withdraw any funds from Neteller until the InstaCash money is cleared in Neteller. So as you can see, that's a few bones floating in cyberspace, and I'm stuck watching the paint dry. Thrilling.

In addition, with the exception of Will Hill, you have to wait for a PIN number to be snail mailed to you (which takes 5-10 business days if you be American, beeeeeooooooch). Which, in and of itself, isn't a bad thing, but now that I've cleared the Will Hill, UKBetting, and TotalBet bonuses, I have a lot of bones that are needed in other sites for a better return on my investment than sitting in cyberspace. I guess in my never-ending quest to fight The Man, The Man really is bringing me down. Argh, foiled again. The Man is a sneaky bastage. Watch out.

Non-Poker Content: (for those of you not of the degenerate gambling variety):

The scene: My backyard. Dog involved: My dog Daisy. The Mission: To dig as many freaking wholes as possible whilst completely ignoring owner's constant verbal batterings. If you choose to accept this mission Daisy, your reward will be great. Such as muddy paws that work great for tracking mud all over the house. Secondary benefit of jumping on owner's freshly ironed pants will get you bonus points. You must remember to run like a chicken with it's head cut off as soon as you dash through the back door, narrowly missing your owner's clutches (that adds to the thrill factor). Secondary objective: chew up the door to the storage shed - Mission Completed, complete destruction of said door with evidence strewn all over back yard. Well done Daisy, well done.

And that kids is the joy of owning a 1 year old Golden Retriever. And you just thought she was cute, but I really think that she's possessed.

That's all I have to say about that, as I have to go to work on this lovely Saturday (screw you Big R). Keep on keepin' on.

P.S. We are having Poker Night again at my house for the first time since Labor Day. LOTS of beer, Jager, and what-have-you will be consumed. Will have a report once my head eventually stops feeling like a freight train ran me over, which should be sometime around 5 PM on Sunday. Wish me luck!!!

Sweet. Just Plain Sweet.

I just have two words to say about this: Sweet Shemullet.*


* Thanks Lil' N for the picture. You worked hard to get it and I want everyone to know how thankful I am for your efforts. Mullet hunting really is your calling. You should look into changing your masters program into something like "Masters in Mulletary Science" or MMS for short. Think about it.

Did He Really Say That?

Poker Content:

Last night was rough, really rough. The day started out well enough, I was actually up @ Interpoker for once. Then I decided to get a little frisky. I jumped onto a $2/$4 table to try and parlay my good fortune. Danger Will Robinson, Danger. Yeah, I got beeeoooch slapped. I got hammered, but not outplayed. The cards went as Cool as Ice (Oh no he didn’t. He didn’t just make a Vanilla Ice reference. You damn right I did). By the time the smoke had settled, I was down $85, having only won 3 hands in an hour and a half. I did manage to get Aces twice though. Stole the blinds with them the first time, and won about $15 on the other. Not a way to come back for that far of a hole. I hadn’t played $2/$4 in about 4 months, as the last session I lost $100 in about 15 minutes as I got and lost these hand 4 hands in a row (AKo, AQo, AKs, ATs). I managed to hit at least top pair or better on each of those hands, but ran into better hands. That’s a way to suck a banroll dry.

I did manage to get a hold on playing with a table full of rocks. I you have to loosen up your starting hand requirements, blind steal more frequently, and bluff more often. I was reading some Mike Caro last night, and he talks about playing at a tight table (and a loose table for that matter). He states that it’s better to loosen up at either table. I found that an interesting statement, because it seems counterintuitive, to me a least, to loosen up at a loose table. The theory about that is on a tight table, you have more opportunities to bluff/blind steal, and since those opportunities come up frequently, you have to loosen up some. Now at the loose table, you need to loosen up because the table on the whole, is playing far inferior hands than would be “normal”, so even when you loosen up, your hand is going to be better than the average hand out there. Interesting, isn’t it?

Non-Poker Content:

There is one distinct advantage to being a veterinarian over a “real doctor”. What may that be you ask? Well, I’m glad that you asked. The answer: We get to say the word “bitch” and not get slapped in the face when we say it. For example, imagine saying this sentence in your place of work. “Yeah that bitch looks like she’s ready to mate.” Or this: “That bitch looks like she’s in heat.” Or this: “I told you that bitch crazy!” O.K., maybe the last one I haven’t actually said before, but you get the point. Imagine going to your “real doctor” and having him say that to your or your wife/girlfriend/mom. Now you truly see the demented pleasure I get every now and then.

For instance, right now my technicians are getting a radiograph (X-Ray) on a bitch that was in heat in September, and got “hooked up” (I kid you not, my record has this on it, “Hooked up on September 25). Now the owner wants to know if this bitch is actually pregnant. I’m waiting with the excitement of a 5 year old on Christmas morning. O.K., not really, but I don’t think that this bitch is pregnant.

Update: The owner was disappointed that his bitch isn’t pregnant. Wow, I’ve said “bitch” a lot in this post and not once was it used inappropriately. Take that.

Well, now that I’ve fully taken advantage of my “using the word bitch” privileges for the week, I’d better get back to work. Keep on keepin’ on kids.

Interpokering again

Warning: All poker content here, so my reader(s) that don't know a thing about poker can probably just skip this post altogether. Although, I may make fun of somebody down the line, so you might miss something.

During my initial deposit bonus fiasco at Interpoker (click on link to the right for your $90 bonus), I added onto my dwindling stack by $25, so I would be able to clear the bonus with some bankroll to spare. Unfortunately for me, it was November, and that $25 add-on counted for my deposit reload bonus for November. So kids, what have we learned today? Make sure if you add on at Interpoker, that if it's the next month, you add-on for the full $90, lest you end up like me. Although, now I only have 125 raked hands to clear, so it won't be sooo bad. I'm gonna have to hunt up some other bonuses for the month. Time to hit up Sound of a Suckout's list again.

On a related note, Cameltoes made the initial 100% deposit bonus (up to $500) at Titan poker. He reports that it's gonna be pretty tough to clear in the allotted 3 months, due to low traffic at the site. They do dole out the bonus in $10 increments, so that's at least nice. He also hit up Doyle's room for their bonus. There you have to actually enter a pot for the hand to count, making the bonus a little difficult to clear. The best way to do it is to play stud (5 or 7 card), as you have to ante every hand, therefore making the bonus that much faster to clear.

I did dabble in some $1/$2 5 card stud last night on Paradise (see link at right). I lost about $13 in about 30 minutes, as the only hand that I won was with a pair of 2's. Nice. Actually that was the best hand I got the entire time. I quit because I was getting tired, and I had already had 3 Corona Lights (thanks Dad and Mom) in my system. I figured that I'd better read up on some stud tips before I delve into it much further.

I think that I'm gonna try to play some other poker games now. I actually had fun playing 5 card stud, even though I really don't have a freaking clue as to what I'm doing. No matter. I think that I'm going to start with 5 card rather than 7 card, because, frankly, I just seem more interested in it. It's interesting that there is only 1 down card and 4 up cards to each player. Trying to guess if the person has the hand or not makes it quite challenging.

Ta ta for now. Keep on keepin' on.

Bonus Whoring Again

Don't you just love walking home from the bar? Me too. Big R, N, and I went to the local watering hole, the Texas Saloon, on Saturday night. After we'd been there a while, Big R, in his sober state, decided that he needed to find me a resident barfly. Nice Big R, nice. He finds a, how do I say this, a not so skinny girl that he thinks that I would enjoy talking to. Very funny, but by this point I was pretty tired and was wanted to head home. So, after some polite small talk, I decided that I'd had enough. I told Big R and N goodbye, (and I told Big R that he was a jerk, and his reply, "Payback's a beeeoooch."), and took off home.

And now for a new award.......Stupid Guy Walking Home Award:
You see kids, my house is very close to the ole Saloon, and I started my quest to find the way home. I realized that I wasn't exactly confident about the terrain, and when I reached a drainage ditch, I had a problem. I looked in either direction, and could see no end in site (it was also almost pitch black where I was standing, which is about to come into play). I decided that I could kinda hop over that sucker, because it looked dry. WRONG ANSWER!!! I made a half-hearted leap and didn't quite make it, well I wasn't even close to making it. The splashing sound that I heard as my foot landed made me realize the error of my ways. Luckily, I lather enough mink oil on my boots, that my foot stayed nice and dry, but my jeans looked like I had just walked through a sewer, which I guess I had. Congrats to me; I won!!! I'd like to thank my Parents for raising such a smart son. They tried at least.

POKER TALK NOW:
I managed to clear the Will Hill bonus rather nicely. Made off with a net $68 profit for about 6 hours work. Not too shabby. Now I'm up $15 between Interpoker and Will Hill (insert pat on the back here). I started playing right after the WSOP had finished airing tonight. I think that it's usually a good time to play, although the variance can be a little rough, since lots more people are playing than normal. I think that they get done watching T.V. and think, "Dang that (insert poker player name here) made a stupid move. I can do much better than that." So they fire up the ole computer and make the tables a LOT more interesting. Anyone else notice the difference?

Keep on keepin' on.

It’s Just Another Manic Monday

Sometimes I just love waking up in the morning.  Especially when I walk into my office and see a 20 pack of Miller Lite bottles on my chair, a birthday present from my boss.  Gotta love it.  Has your boss ever given you the gift of ale as a gift?  Yeah, I didn’t think so, suckas.

I saw the movie “Jarhead” on Saturday.  AWESOME!!!  I highly recommend it.  Although, I didn’t appreciate the token ass shots that they had to throw in there.  It’s not violent, so if you’re looking for a “war” movie, it’s not that type.

I need to clarify something about my Interpoker fiasco.  I LOST $53 in the deal.  That means I bought in for $190 and I cashed out $137 (including the $90 bonus).  Yeah, poker’s been going that well.  

I’m pretty tapped out from this weekend, being with the padres and all.  We had a great time, and I got to eat some good meals, since I rarely eat out.  Warning, Sappy Comment:  Thanks again Dad and Mom, I love ya’ll.  See, I warned you.

That’s all I have to say about that.  Keep on keepin’ on.

Mule Math

Now, I'm no math major like N (Geomerty rules!), but I don't think losing $53 chasing a $90 bonus is a good thing. I'm just checking. There are only one of two conclusions to draw from this (and the last 3 1/2 months): 1) I suck at poker, or 2) Ms. Variance is really, really putting a hurt on me.

And to add to that kick in the nads, my dog Daisy has been hurling her guts out for the last 16 or so hours. I'm pretty worried that she's got something stuck in her stomach/small intestines. I really don't want to have to do surgery on her. Why's that you may ask? Because I'd then have to cut open her stomach (the actual organ) or her intestines to pull out the object. Not fun.

Keep on keepin' on.

I'm All Grows Up

Well, it’s the end of an era. Today marks the first day out of my 20’s. Yep kids, I’m freaking 30 today. I guess that means that I should be married have about 2.5 kids, and a house with a white picket fence by now. That’s funny, especially if you know me. Instead, I’m single, have 2 dogs, and have a 19 year-old roommate. Now that’s funny, and you don’t even have to know me.

My parents are on their way to celebrate this glorious occasion (sarcasm), and I have absolutely no idea what we will do this weekend, other than drink copious amounts of fermented hops and barley of the Miller Lite variety. Hello beer gut! Hey I’m 30 now, ain’t I supposed to have a beer gut? Oh yeah, and I finally get to wear the wife beater shirts now. Kick ass. Maybe this turning 30 thing isn’t sooooo bad. But I also have male pattern baldness to look forward to, not so cool. Unless, I combine the three into an unholy trifecta: beer gut, wife beater shirt, and male pattern baldness. And then I’ll really wonder why I’m single.

As an aside, now that I’m 30, does that mean I have to take down the street sign I have as “art” in my living room?……………I don’t think so, but any comments on that will be appreciated and taken with a grain of salt.

Poker Topic of the Day (so anyone not interested in it can skip the next 2 paragraphs):

I have absolutely no good idea how to play in a SUPERTIGHT/AGGRESSIVE table. Interpoker’s (click on the link to the right for a $90 bonus) $1/$2 tables are incredibly tight, and they frequently end up being a Wrestlemania for the blinds. I discussed this exact topic with good ole Cameltoes this morning, and he said he was only ramming and jamming if he hit the flop. Not a bad idea, I guess. We are also bonus whoring so, the goal is to break even, and I think that it’s a pretty good strategy for this setup. What about if you’re trying to make money, as in without a bonus on the way? I think that it depends on the table dynamics. Is it constantly a blind-stealing mega-fight-fest (tight-aggressive table)? Are there people just limping in continuously (tight-passive table)? I can handle the tight-passive table with no problems. Ram and Jam is the way to go (and no Big R, I’m not talking about you and Betty Crocker).

With the tight-aggressive table, I think that you have 2 options. One is to play super tight like the rest of the field and grind it out. The other is to open up a little bit and try and blind steal more than your fair share. Option one is going to get you to break-even poker. Your not going to win much, and your not going to loose much either. Option 2 is going to have more variance, but I think that it’s the way to go over the long haul, as far as profits go. Am I totally off base here? Comments would be appreciated, and I will take them seriously…..maybe.

I just got urinated on by a 4 month old “Rockweilder”, because he’s not leash trained and scared out of his mind. As a side benefit, he sprayed anal gland jizz on my pants. For those of you that are untrained in the veterinary arts, dogs have 2 anal glands at 5 o’clock and 8 o’clock around, what else, the anus. They secrete a smell that can only be beaten by Big R’s farts. And now I have that smell on me. Happy Birthday to me! Great, just great.

Well, I hope that brought some joy to your life, as I know it didn’t for me. Just kidding. Keep on keepin’ on kids.

Editor's note: I just had AA beaten by A4sooooooted. The mother-trucker was in the BB an called a raise and a reraise. Flop comes 245 rainbow(no runner flush draw). He checks and cold calls another 2 bets cold, and then another raise. Turn is K, again checks and calls 2 bets cold. River comes a 4 and I for some odd reason had a really bad feeling he had a 4. Please help me. This is one helluva loosing streak. That pretty much sums up the past 3 1/2 months of poker playing.

Editor's note #2: I had AA beaten by 98sooooooted (calling 2 bets cold I might add). Mother trucker flopps JT7 for the Jack high straight. I did get justice against the same guy when I hit quad 8's. He even bet & reraised my on the river w/his QTsoooooted (he flopped a pair of Q's). Maybe there is justice afterall.

Hi-ho, Hi-Ho, It's Off to Work I Go

Since their oldest child is turning the milestone of 30 tomorrow, my parents will be gracing me with their presence this weekend. I guess I'd better finally get rid of my dancing midgets, stripper pole, and the 6 inches of filth built up on my floor. It's as good a reason as any to clean up the pad. Although, all I really need to do is give it a light once over, and have Mom do the rest (Hi Mom!).

I'm 76% of the way through Interpoker's initial bonus. Slow and steady wins the race they say. I guess that's what I'm doing. I know that Scurvy talked about how the 1/2 tables aren't too bad, which I guess that they aren't, to a point. I've realized that almost every table is filled with rocks, and so most of the time, it boils down to a constant blind stealing fight fest. Everyone pretty much just trades each other's money around, trying to clear the bonus. If you can find a looser table, then it's not too bad. After playing at one 1/2 table for about 45 minutes, I decided to get frisky. In early position I decided to raise with A5os. Bad idea. The guy 2 downstream from me insta-raises, and everyone else folds. I realized the right decision would be to fold, but nah, I'm too thick headed for that. I call and the flop comes out 927 rainbow. I decided that I was toast (what every gave me that idea you may ask). So I checked and folded. So much for getting a little wild hair up my anus. Sigh.

I still think that one of the hardest desicions in poker is what to do with overcards when the flop misses your sweet butt completely. Scurvy has a great post about this exact topic, but I still can't get it through my thick skull. This requires finesse of some other form that I just can't get a grasp on. I think that I do O.K., but it's still hard to judge wether or not that cat who smooth called 3 bets cold is holding big noises (AA-TT), big tickets (i.e. AK, KJ, QT, etc.), just a small medium/small pair, or hopelessly holding onto the hammer (72os). And is he/she gonna call my continuous arsenal of bets thrown in his/her general direction? You'd think after playing thousands and thousands of hands I'd have this down pat, but no.

Did I ever tell you about the time Big R was with a girl named Betty Crocker? Well let's just say that she was "randy for Big R" and liked to cook him assorted baked goods. Nice huh? Sorry Big R, I had to get that in here.

I think that my head is starting to hurt from all this deep thinking. In the meantime, "Take care of yourself, and each other." Thanks Jerry Springer for the advice.

Keep on keepin' on.

Blogger Ate My Post

Blogger Ate My Post.

Mother Trucker!!!!! My brilliant prose was eaten by a cyber-monkey, who then threw his feces at me, just to mock me. I’m way to mad to try and recreate the dashing prose. Oh Well.

Keep on keepin’ on.

Paradise Lost (and Found)?

After grinding and grinding and grinding at Paradise, I finally cleared their Halloween bonus. And how much did I make for my efforts? Well, without the bonus I lost $3.50. That's right, I lost. I played about 2,400 hands (3 tabling) over the last 3.5 days and came out losing. UNBELIEVABLE. Before August, I was averaging almost 3BB/hr on the $0.5/$1 tables, and now I can't even turn a small profit there anymore. I think that it's the end of the world. At least I earned my $100 bonus there. So I'll take the $96.50 profit and run with it. Although this session doesn't make my Poker Analyst graph look any better. As an aside, if you're not using this FREE program from cardplayer.com, you should.

Now that I'm done with Paradise's bonus, I'm trying to decide on what to do with Interpoker's bonus. You see, I have put in $165 to get a $90 bonus. If, and that's a big if, I finally clear the bonus, I'd be about even, as of now. If I decide to cut my losses and forget it, as I'm only 56% of the way through, I would be down $90 there. I wish I knew the correct answer. It's kind of like dating someone for a long time. You have invested a lot of time and effort into the relationship, but you don't think that it's gonna work out. So you have choice a) break up and take your losses like a man, er, little boy. Or choice b) suck it up and drudge onward to try and force that sucker to work. Either way, it's at best a break-even proposition.

Speaking of propositions, have I got an interesting story to tell. About 2.5 years ago, four of us guys got together in Houston. After hanging out at a bar for about an hour, we decided to leave that joint, because as they say in Swingers, "This place is dead anyway." As we were walking in the parking lot a car slowly pulls up next to us. In it were 2 black women. Odd, I thought, that 2 black women would start talking to 4 honkies like us, but no matter. The passenger asks us (or I should say, "axes" us) what we were gonna do that night. I, still clueless as to what was on her mind, said that we were headed to another bar. After some prodding, she suggests that we go to a hotel room. "Holy STD Batman, I think that she's getting to something here." We say no, and then she says something that will never leave this head of mine: "You don't want to get your d#%k sucked and f#$ked real good before you go out tonight?" I almost fell over in the parking lot. So I politely declined and they sped off (I think pretty pissed off that they missed out on some DD loving). And that kids, is what it's like to live my life. Like a motha-truckin' pimp. You betta axe somebody.

I'm out. Keep on keepin' on.

Brother and Sister, Together Again

What a weekend. My sister came in to town, the Texans won their first game, and poker went well. Holy trifecta, Batman! Well, Paradise Poker went well; screw Interpoker. I'm on a wild ride there. Oh well. After cleaning like a madman Friday and Saturday, I picked up my sister from the airport. I figured I'd even wash my sheets, since I was nice enough to give my sister my bed and I took the couch.

In case any of you has never been to Houston before, the downtown area can be a little confusing, especially for a Ft. Worth native like myself. My sister wanted to head to a sushi restaurant for something different. I hit up Mapquest.com to find directions to the place. By the looks of the map, it looked easy enough to get to, but noooooooo, the real world kicked in. We drove around for about 30 minutes trying to find the sucker, to no avail. Apparently the directions we got were waaaaaaay off because the street we were supposed to turn on didn't exist. Nice, real freakin' nice. After numerous wrong turns that lead us into the ghetto, and driving the wrong way down a one-way street with 2 cars heading right for us, we finally decided to give up our quest for sushi. Yep that's right kids, I attempted the old fashioned game of chicken just outside of downtown Houston on the outskirts of the ghetto. You want to hear something cool though, WE WON!!! The other two contestents of said game veered out of our way, and they lost!!! I'm sure that they were quite upset with themselves for loosing a game of chicken, and I bet they had the Hershey squirts to prove it. Gotta love going downtown.

Sunday, we got up early to head to my sister's friend's tailgate party. Big R and N met us out there, and let me say that these people know how to tail gate. They had 2 hot bartenders serving up whatever you liked (well almost anything, as I don't think that they appreciated my gawking at them with my tongue hanging out). They also had 3 big tents, 3 t.v.'s, all you could eat brauts, and did I mention the hot bartenders? Oh yeah, they wanted me. We watched the Texans win their first game all season, as they are now 1-6 for the season! Playoff bound baby! LOL.

Now I have to keep the house clean, cause the padres are coming up this weekend for my 30th birthday. Dad & Mom, I'll take the hot bartenders for my present, if you please. Aw, gee thanks.

I'm now 30% of the way to clearing my Paradise bonus. For those of you looking to start playing at a good site, please click on the Paradise Poker link on my site and have fun playing. It's a pretty big site, with a peak of around 13,000 players on at peak times. Lots of different poker games, and even blackjack for those of you that really like to gamble, and I know you do. I have been 3 tabling their, and the bonus clears pretty quickly, as they count any hand that's raked at least $0.25, and they dole it out in $10 increments, so not too shabby.

Interpoker is another animal. There are quite a few good players there. I think that most people playing there are just trying to clear the bonus also. I have been on a steady downswing trying to get to the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, I mean the bonus. So kids, the take home message is, "Buyer beware."

Interesting thing happened whilst 3 tabling on Paradise. I was dealt Cowboys on 2 tables at the exact same time. Wanna guess what happened? I won a 3.25 BB pot at one table, and lost 5.5 BB at the other, as I ran into none other the Mr. Rockets. Why does this seem to happen so often? You finally get dealt KK and start yelling, "Big bucks, no Whammies!", and get "lucky" enough for no Whammy (a.k.a. Aces) hit the board. Then the other cat flips over Rockets and your heart gets smashed to pieces. Damn you Fate/Karma/Ms. Variance!!

I've gotta pay the rent, and I hope that this post was worth the wait, Cameltoes. Keep on keepin' on kids.

The Day Doyle Brunson Lived

This past July 4th, my brother (Bubba), Cameltoes, Big R (formerly known as R), and Cameltoes' brother and I all made the journey to Lake Charles, LA to hit the boats and play some 3-6-12 Texas Hold 'em. I don't know how many of ya'll are familar w/shoddy brick and mortar casinos, but the play there is absouletly horrific. By the same token, the game is very hard to beat. Example: even with a UTG raise, 6-8 people routinely call to anxiously await the next 3 cards and suckout on the guy bluffing with his AA. So needless to say, the game can be a little difficult to beat, seeing as there is a schooling effect going on with the fishies*.

It is in this setting that I had the following happen to me. After seeing a never-ending string of 83os, J2os, 95os, for what would literally be an hour and a half, I finally got a streak of good cards. I managed to take down some nice sized pots in about a half an hour. Now, the worst hand I showed down was AJos. You'd think that people would pay attention, but they mindlessly called 2 bets cold with their Ace-rag and wonder why they were going home broke. It was about 3 A.M. and I had been playing for about 6 or 7 hours at this point and I was seriously thinking about quitting because the waitresses in Lake Charles have much to be desired and the Miller Lites and Crown shots were starting to take their toll on me.

I was one off the button and I look down and see T2 of clubs. At first I thought, "Not again." but then and the ENTIRE TABLE CALLED I thought that I'd get a little frisky and raise it. As John Vorhaus says, "Loose raise good, loose call bad." Only 1 person folds. So we have 9 people calling to see the flop of Ts2h2s. I almost did a cartwheel into a triple-reverse-backflip when I saw the board. Someone in MP bets. a few people call, and I smooth call. I think about 5 or 6 people saw the flop. The turn is a Ks, completing the flush. I'm praying that somebody's made their flush. The BB bets out and I figure that it's now or never, so I raise. When what to my wondering ears hear, but the button say, "Reraise". I swear my jaw almost dropped. The BB calls, and I cap it. Three of us see the river which was a brick (I don't even remember because I was freakin' out at this point. I mean, come on, I flopped a boat with the Doyle). The BB wisely checked, I bet $12, the button raises, and the BB folds. I look over and realize that the button's all in.....damn. He flips over AsQs for the nut flush and I show the crowd my dazzling T2. I took down a monster pot, which put me ahead $85. I decided after being down for 99% of the night, to call it there. I racked up and cashed out, smiling knowing that I had just won with that crap. Ah, Justice was served that day. After an entire session of suckout, after suckout I thought I was due. You be the judge.

And that kids, is how the Doyle Brunson lives on. Keep on keepin' on.

* David Sklansky has a theory when a bunch of fishies are playing limit Hold 'em, any one of them may not have the proper odds to call a bet, but with multiple fishies in the hand, they "school" together to combine their outs. That is, any one of them is likely to win the hand by hitting one of the combined cards to improve. So the poor players combine to beat the ever living crap outta the good player(s) at the table just by being stupid. Makes you think about playing Rockets again, doesn't it?

The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly

The Good: My boss gave me 2 tickets to this weeks Houston "We're going for the first round draft pick" Texans game. Also I'm 46% of the way to clearing the bonus @ Interpoker. As an aside, they're having a "Dead Man's Hand" promo this weekend. See site for details.

The Bad: I went down another buy-in trying to clear said bonus. Let me get this straight, the bonuses are supposed to cushion the variance right? Good, because without it, I'd be S.O.L.

The Ugly: My friend R's plumber's crack. If I've seen it once, I've seen it a thousand times. Good grief R, get some freaking suspenders, or some Crack Spackle. Do the world a favor, please.

Short post today because I'm freaking BUSY this afternoon saving the local population of puppies and kitties. Awww, how sweet. And I wonder why I'm still single.

Keep on keepin' on kids.

P.S. Paradisepoker.com is having a reload bonuse this weekend. Up to 25%. Hit them up for it.

It Was Fun While It Lasted

The World Series went by faster than Ben Johnson on steroids. Ouchy, you have to hate getting swept, but at least the boys played well. Hats off to Brandon Backe who pitched yet another post-season gem. Nice. Congrats Astros, you made Houston proud. Next year we will just have to go ahead and win it all. I guess I'd better get my season tickets (like I have the $$$ for such luxuries; I need to save it for throwing virtual chips around like they're going out of style).

I'm getting closer to grinding away at the Interpoker bonus. I'm 33% there. And at least I have a little profit (including the future bonus, of course). Grinding away, 3 tabling gets interesting at times. At this rate, I should have cleared the bonus by, oh say, next Christmas. Yeah, I'm that good.

You know it's funny how everything is relative. When I first took the wild leap into the online poker/craps/lottery world, everything seemed to move so fast. And that was with just one table. In fact, it's only within the last 3-4 months, that I have even attempted to multi-table. Then I took the leap into 2 tables at once. My nerves were shot after just playing for 30 minutes after the first time I did it. Now, I seem to get bored while playing just 2 tables. Every once in a while, I'll just play 1 table, when I decide to really concentrate on the other players. Damn, it's hard to do now. And don't get me started on Brick and Mortar casinos, especially while folding for 2 hours straight, and watching idiotic morons win huge pots with 83os. But I digress. I guess what I'm trying to say is that it's pretty interesting how your perspective changes. One day you're freaking playing one table. The next day you're bored with 4 tables going, 2 dogs nipping at your feet (it's happened many times to me), music blaring, and a roommate that's screaming about his bad beat as he's sitting next to you. I'm all grows up. I'm all grows up. Wow, if only I can get back to a consistent upswing, things will be Oh-Tay!

My sister is coming to visit me this weekend. We haven't hung out together in years (I mean just the two of us). Now stop singing that song.....Just the two of us, you and I. Argh. Sorry. We're gonna go to a huge tailgate party before/after the Mighty Mighty Houston Texans game. It should be a lot of fun, assuming that she doesn't get so drunk that she hurls in my bathtub again. It actually happened once; chicken parmesian w/a heavy dose of rum and cokes all over my bathtub. Nice, thanks a lot Little Sis. It was pretty freaking hilarious though, because her new boyfriend at the time cleaned it all up.

Well kids, I think I'm gonna watch Daisy chew off Earl's (my other dog) ear. I don't know how it doesn't hurt, bu she bites the crap outta him, and he doesn't flinch. Keep on keepin' on.

Ah, Blue-Balled Again

As fate would have it, my sister called me this morning saying that she knew someone that was wanting to sell their ticket to tonight's World Series game. Needless to say, I got a little excited. To make a long story short, about an hour ago, my sister calls me saying that the deal went south, through no fault of hers or the guy that had the tickets. Ah, to almost taste the sweet nector that is World Series baseball, and then get kicked in the nads stings a little. Damn you fate!!!

On a much brighter note, I finally had a winning session!!!! It's been since Moses led the Jews out of Egypt that I had one. I went up about 1/2 of a buy-in so that's not too shabby. I'll enjoy this small victory while it lasts......Nice.

Well, I'm off to watch Brandon Backe and the Astros try and win a game in this here W.S. Hey, the Red Sox did it, right? Keep on keepin on.

0-3, Are You Kidding Me?

Yesterday was rough on the old ticker, as the Astros managed to piss away another game, and I managed to donated 1/2 a buy-in to my fellow gamblers of the world on Interpoker. First poker. I was 2-tabling on Interpoker for about an hour. I felt pretty good to start out as I was treading water for the first 20 minutes. Then I won a huge 16BB pot heads up when I turned the nut straight. But, as Ms. Variance loves to do, she slapped me silly and I left torn and shattered.

I did manage to have a guy "flirt" with me while I was playing. You see, on all but one of the sites I play on, I have a female name. It's a pretty cute name though. So I think that this guy was feeling sorry for me as I kept loosing pot after pot. I feel flattered and also slightly dirty. Does that make me gay? No dude, it's that you sleep with men that makes you gay. Ah, I see. By the way, I AM NOT GAY, so don't get any bright ideas Cameltoes.

And now to a brighter thing about yesterday: Bud Selig. I just have one word to say: #$%hole. ARE YOU KIDDING ME? Making the Astros open the roof is freaking ridiculous. You don't think the fact that he's a LIFELONG White Sox fan had anything to do with it, do you? Nah. Couldn't be.

I came really close to shedding tears watching Game 3 last night. The Astros are trying really hard to gift wrap this Series. I'm almost numb to it now. As I was moping about this morning, my phone rings. It's my sister saying that she knows somebody with a ticket. I liven up a little bit at the prospect of going to the World Series. I'm still waiting for the deal to go through. I feel like a drug addict, waiting to get his fix. Good grief.

Well, wish me luck. And wish the Astros for a miracle, cuz they need it. Keep on keepin on.

Ouchy, Ouchy, Ouchy Part Deux

Uncle, Uncle, Uncle. This is really getting absurd. I decided to try and play a few hands and get closer to clearing my bonus at Interpoker. I fired up a table there, but I only had enough $$ to play at one table (yep kids, poker's going that well). I also hit up a table on Paradise (my usual site). I played fine, I guess, but I'm not really sure about this Ms. Variance. She's getting pretty crotchety with me. Again, none of the gory details, as there's no need to put y'all asleep, but it's been more and more and more of the same. It's the freaking Energizer Bunny. I must have hurt a cute and fuzzy bunny somewhere along the way to deserve this sort of treatment at the tables.

Maybe the Astros will fair better being in their home turf. Have you heard the controversy about the roof? The Astros want the roof closed, to keep the noise in, and MLB may not let them. If MLB steps in an overrides the Astros, I will not be a happy camper. That is B.S. if they make them open the roof. That's why they call it home field advantage. Otherwise, what's the point of having a roof anyway?

What a day. At least I don't have to go to work tomorrow, as I have Tuesday's off (enter dancing little people stage left). Yeah!!!

Oh and one more thing, many thanks to N (you know who you are) for the hospitality on Saturday. And just think, my dogs didn't even crap on your floors. See, some good things do happen.

And I'm spent. Keep on keepin on.

Ouchy, Ouchy, Ouchy

Wow. What in the samhell is going on with the White Sox? Can they get more freak calls go in there way? And how in the hell did Podsednik hit a walk-off homerun, after the Astros tied the game back up in the top in the ninth. The Astros just found a way to lose that game. Over and over again. It's getting tough on the old heart these last two games. Damn you Podsednik, I'm gonna kick you in the nads. But the next 3 games are in Minute Maid Park and it's do or die time. Plus with Roy Oswalt, you got to love are chances.

That all I have to say about that. Oh yeah, and congrats to the Texans for going 0-6. Wow. Wow. Wow.

I can't really think of anything else to say today, as the Astros are killing my drive to write. Keep on keepin on.

No Bueno

Rocket, Rocket, Rocket. Gets pulled about 32 seconds into the game. Ouchy. In his defense, he does have the jacked-up hamstring (technicle term). At least the Astros held on and made it respectable. I did find out that Cameltoes missed out on a 20-1 bet that Mike Lamb would be the first player to hit a home run. Damn you Jermaine Dye, you screwed up my degenerate gamlber friend's glory.

Since I fully believe in Andy Pettitte, I placed a small wager (5 dollars!!!) on the Astros, without the spread. He's gotta be able to last longer the Roger, right?

That's it for today kids, too much sports on today to spend time @ the computer, and I'm still a little hung over. GO ASTROS, and keep on keepin on.

World Series Baby!!

Today marks history folks. The Astros are about to play in their first World Series tonight. I am even wearing my "non-white socks" today. Actually they are khaki, for those of you keeping score. I just have two words, GO ASTROS!!!!

Ah Texas Hold 'em, what a curious game. For those of you that actually care, I ask this question, What is the better way to handle bad swings? Either I a) keep trudging on, sticking to my guns by playing the solid poker that has worked in the past. Or do I b) stop playing for a while, and wait for the bad luck to subside? I'm not sure it's possible to outrun/wait out bad luck/variance. I think it's like a boiling bowl of soup that you have to eat, either you drink it all down quickly (that being a relative term) and let it burn like hell to get it over with. Or you can sip on it, having it burn in small amounts at a time. I guess I have been doing both, with neither method working. Damn you variance, you go to hell and you die! Leave this poor veterinarian alone.

If I had lived my entire life without hearing this, it would be too soon. What follows actually happened to me during my first 3 or 4 months as a "doctor" (not a "real doctor" mind you). This will be know as the "I Use Urine In New and Exciting Ways" award. Two lesbians in their early 20's (simmer down fellas, they weren't THAT type of lesbians) enter my clinic with their chihuahua that's pregnant. They want her X-rayed (not a real word I realize) to see how many puppies this bitch (not the lesbian) was going to have. So I take the dog back for the radiographs. In the meantime, another woman walks in with her new "Pomeranian" puppy. This woman was about as bright as a burned out lightbulb, which is going to become real apparent in a few sentences. This woman actually bought a chihuahua/dachshund mix and she had no idea what the difference was. Nice scam, huh. Now you see why I get so mad at shady breeders (see here for more info with bad breeders). Anyway, so the not so smart woman (here after known as NSSW) and the lesbian start talking in the waiting room. This is where things get crazy. The NSSW tells the lesbian about how she's having a hard time house training her Pomeranian/chihuahua/dachshund puppy. The lesbian, in her astounding intelligence, tells her the following:

"Oh that's easy to take care of. You know how dogs "mark" their own territory? Well, since dogs have such a keen sense of smell I decided to show my chihuahua who's boss. I urinated on a towel, and then I took said urine soaked towel around my house and blotted my urine in every room of my house. That way she will know that this is "my" house."

I kid you not. That is what she said. It gets even better..... the NSSW then said, "Really, I never thought of that. I guess I'll have to try it out."

And that folks is why there should be a law against stupid people breeding. Congratulations on your award ladies. Truly amazing.

Keep on keepin' on kids. And do NOT use this method for house training your puppy.

P.S. I just went to see what my next appointment is. Here's what it says, "Office call: swollen vagina." And you just thought you wanted to be a veterinarian.

TGIF

I decided to not play poker last night, as I'm still trying to calm down from the incredibly bad session yesterday. I did have a really great session a few weeks ago. It all went down to one hand at a limit table. I had QQ in MP. This was my 2nd hand at this table, so I didn't have a read on anybody. There was a raise in front of me, one caller, and I make it 3 bets to go. Four of us see the flop of Q7J rainbow. I start dancing on the ceiling at this point (oh what a feeling, when we're dancing on the ceiling, sorry Lionel). Initial raiser bets out, next dude calls I raise, then something crazy happens. Then remaining players decide to hang on and start throwing virtual chips around like mad. The four of us stay in with it capped. Then the turn brings what I didn't want, a Ten, and as bad as I've been running you'll see why I was scared. Again, the betting was like the flop, same bat time, same bat channel. I am practically screaming at the computer to pair the board. Hold on sports fans, I gotta hold the suspense.......the river brings a glorious Ten. By this time everyone calms down and the other 3 of them call my raise. I took down a huge pot and was very happy after that. I remember thinking that now maybe my luck/karma/bad mojo had turned around. Oh poor, poor Forrest Gump, he tries so hard. Yeah, I realize how futile such thinking is, but it's hard not to. The road goes on forever and the party never ends.

Start rant: Well, it's the end of the work week (cheers & applause). Only it's not really the end of the work week, because I, like most veterinarians, have to work on Saturdays. The fun part about Saturdays, is that you get to examine a full days worth of patients in less than a half day. In other words, imagine doing all that you have to do in your job in a normal day, then compress it into 1/2 that amount of time. Oh, and do it on Friday, and add a lot of frustrated people to the mix. Why are they frustrated you may ask? Because they had to *shudder* wait a little while in a doctors office. Oh the humanity. If they only realized that they, like everyone else waiting, all decided to get fluffy examined all at the same time. Bottleneck ensues. End rant. Whew, I feel better.

Tomorrow brings in the Astros first World Series EVER!!!! So for you sports fans out there, this is a "white socks free weekend". Now is the perfect time to bring out those brown socks that your grandpa wore. Yippee!!! I was getting tired of wearing boring white socks anyway. I might even break out the brown polyester pants *shudder*. And I wonder why I'm still single.

I'm gonna look at a couple kitties that I'm gonna have to neuter this morning. Ah, I love the smell of testicles in the morning......wait, that didn't come out right. Ah, forget it.

-------------------------------------------------------

What follows here is a new award I have just created. What's that you say, there's an award to be given? Yes there is kids. It's called the "I Got Taken To The Cleaners Award" (by the way, I feel absolutely horrible for what happened to this person). I realize that many people out there know absoultely nothing about dogs, other than they are fun to play with and they look cute when they're small (hence the reason that "satan in dog form", a.k.a. chihuahuas, are around). This one takes the cake. It starts by my technician telling me that I have to examine a 10 month old maltese puppy. Sounds fine enough. She then tells me that there is no way that this dog is that old. By the odd look on her face I realized pretty quickly that something was up. I walk in expecting the worst. I see a 18-19 year old girl with her cute new "puppy" complete with a bow in it's hair (insert oooohs and aaaaahs here). I start my exam by looking at the dogs teeth, since that's how we estimate age in animals. What I saw caused my jaw to drop, which doesn't happen very often unless she walks by. This dog had about 10 teeth left in it's rotting mouth (which means that this "puppy" is really about 8 years old or more). This dog made these dudes look healthy. This girl goes on to tell me that she saw an add in the paper for a maltese "puppy". The lady meets her at a store parking lot (BAD idea kids), shows her the dog, and pulls out an envelope with records and AKC registration papers. The girl finds out that this dog is ONLY $500. What a steal!! So she runs to the ATM and buys herself a "puppy". She calls the veterinary clinic that is on the "records", only to find out that they have no record of this breeder or the dog. The girl then looks through the rest of the "papers" only to find blank printer paper. Rugh row Shaggy, we have a crime here. Let's call the Fred and Daphnie to solve this mystery.

Exhibit A: Shady location to buy a puppy.
Exhibit B: A good deal for only $500
Exhibit C: Naive girl
Exhibit D: Fake papers
Exhibit E: Smart, attractive, and single veterinarian..... wait that's not an Exhibit
Exhibit F: All phone calls made to the seller are left unanswered.

Conclusion: This girl just paid a HELLUVA lot o' money for an old dog. Oh yeah, the breeder will get hers in this life or the next. I HATE criminal/shady breeders. "You're in big trouble mister" (said while shaking my finger at the screen). Bonus points if you can name the TV show.

So the "I Got Taken To The Cleaners" award goes to......... drum roll please..... the girl with the maltese "puppy".

That's all for now, now enjoy watching the Astros. Keep on keepin' on.

HOLY TOLEDO, THE HOUSTON ASTROS WIN THE PENNANT!!!

UNBEEEEEEEEELIEVABLE!!!!! I just had the most amazing experience this season with the Astros. I was fortunate enough to make it to all 5 of the home games this playoff season, and if you want to know what it sounded like to be in Minute Maid Park, think about standing next to a jet plane, then turn up the volume. Crazy. Hit this page for the 411 on the 'Stros.

For this playoff season, the same as last season, my friends and I hit up the Homeplate Bar & Grill. It's kinda like our version of Cheers, only the bartender there doesn't have a sweet mullet. But it's nice to have a place where, when the place is packed after a Astros game, the bartender slides you a Miller Lite without having to ask for it. I always enjoy the faces of the other cats that have been waiting for 15 minutes, when they realize that I got served before them. Hey, it pays to be a regular. And when you attend as many Astros games as I have, you deserve it.

After that glorious last out by Jason Lane (said in the way that only the Astros announcer can do), I gave my friend Cameltoes a call (the nickname isn't dirty, so get your head outta the gutter). Needless to say he was pretty excited, and thankfully, his coffee table managed to survive his celebration dance, which I can only imagine was performed in his boxers (dang you Cameltoes, now I have a sick image in my head). My liver, unfortunately, did not fair so well. I'm no "real doctor", but I don't think that slammin' bourbon and cokes and Miller Lite during the game does a body good. Oh sweet nector of the gods. Luckily, this morning's hangover was a mild one, as I didn't pay homage to the porcelain god. Yay!!! Baby steps, baby steps.

On the poker front, I started my initial bonus whoring recently on Interpoker, which has a $90 initial deposit bonus. They also have a monthly reload bonus, which I hope to take advantage of. At my current rate of attempting to clear the bonus, I will be $229.68 in the RED by the time I get through it. Nice huh? Gotta love bonus whoring. Of course that's just an average loss at my current rate, so variance can still kick me in the nads harder than that, if it feels so inclined. Oh the humanity.

I swear that I really am a winning player. Really. I started the year out nicely and going into July, I was ahead by a nice sum. But then something horrid happened. The laws of probability started taking effect. You know that you're a huge dog to hit your set, but hey I'll call that bet, and hit it. Doing that once is O.K., but over, and over, and over, and over, for weeks and weeks is really starting to get old. Kind of like, "Look kids, Big Ben, Parliament." I've managed to bring my profits down to about 1/3 or so in that amount of time. Judas Priest kids, do you have all kick me at once?

Someday the odds will smile on me again......someday. I guess it's kinda like the odds of the Astros making it to the World Series after being 15-30 at the start of the season. But it happened.

So kids, rest easy, strange things are happening now. "Dogs and cats, living together, mass hysteria". What will happen next?

We'll talk to ya later, so in the meantime, keep on keeping on.

P.S. Anyone have World Series tickets they want to sell me at face value?? I didn't think so.


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There is no way to outrun back luck/karma/variance/the plague/pissed off chihuahuas/ex-girlfriends. This afternoon I fired up Interpoker to try and grind away at the bonus. First the good news, I only have about 350 more raked hands left. Yeah!! The bad news is that I went down half a buy-in in about 30 minutes. Oh you dirty whore, with your promises of sweet goodness, only leaving me with a case of "it burns when I drain the lizzard". What is wrong with this. I'm not gonna bore you with any details, but these 2nd best hands are killing me.

Maybe I should sell semen instead. At least that gives you a steady paycheck, and a side benefit of spreading my seed without having to worry about the changing diapers thing. I can handle animal crap all day long, even going armpit deep into a mare's rectum is nothing, but human excriment is an entirely different animal (pun intended). But I digress.

I guess I'd better get to work or something; I have more chihuahuas to try to save whilst they attempt to take off my hand. Why did I choose this profession? Oh yeah the money.....wait, I'm not a "real doctor", so I make as much as a sanatation worker. Oh yeah, the love of animals. Preach on brotha.

Keep on keepin' on, because that's all you can do.

My puppy Daisy

Here's my puppy Daisy, although she's over a year old now (I really need to get a digital camera so I can easily upload photos). I have another pooch named Earl, but I don't have any pictures on my computer to upload of him. Sorry Earl. The youngest always gets the best treatment.

Later kids, keep on keepin on.

Big D Enters Poker Blogging

Have you ever thought about how much your life would be different if you had simply made 1 different choice? I'm talking about a seemingly small and insignificant choice, made rather quickly, that ends up changing the direction of your life.

Well folks, that one descision for me was diving into the world of online poker.

Almost three years ago, one of my friends started talking about playing cards "online". I thought he was crazy, putting his money into a shady offshore website that was going to surely steal his money. And so, when I realized that he wasn't getting robbed (well, at least not by the casino.....oh wait, he was. It's called the rake kids, but that's for another day), I thought to myself, "This doesn't look that hard. You mean all I have to do is sit in front of my computer, click the mouse, and watch the money fly into my clammy hands?" Sign me up.

Ahh, the mind of a child, how innocent and sweet.

It was crazy of me to think that this game we try to play would be so easy. Now years later, I sit looking like I just left the ring after a round with Mike Tyson (in his early days, not his "I'm hungry, so I think I'll eat Holyfield's ear" days). If I've learned anything about this game, it's that variance is a dirty whore that will sweet talk you into going up to that hotel room. Hey, what can it hurt? It's all fun and games until someone looses a penis. That's when you realize that you have to pay for the "services", and yes, you may actually loose a penis for what you did.

What am I trying to get across to the world? It's that the swings can be horrific, and don't ever get cocky. You have to remember that skill only accounts for a small percentage of advantage in this here game that we play. Any session can be the greatest ever, where everything goes right You laugh at the mules cold-calling 3 bets w/Q3os (don't you just love the gay waiter?) when you have Cowboys. Or, when people continually fold to your bluffs, semi-bluffs, and what-have-yous. That's when you think that you are the greatest player in the world (a.k.a Phil Hellmuth, whatever), and that you can do no wrong.

Oh, but the pendulum has to swing the other way, now doesn't it? And that's where I am today, and where I have been for the last month and a half. Judas Priest, it hurts like a mother trucker when it goes wrong. Don't you hate that feeling, when you can't figure out why you just got slapped for the 15th time by that dude named "ilovecrayons" or some other idiotic name? That cat wouldn't know a good hand if it came up and bit him like a130 lb. "rockweiler" on a poor little kitty.

Well, I hope that you enjoyed my virgin leap into the blogging world. We will talk to you later.