Choices

Have you ever stopped to really think about choices? And I'm not even necessarily talking about the ones that are huge in your life. Like, "Should I take this job out of state?" or "Should I put Mom in this or that nursing home?" No, I'm really talking about the ones that are on the middle ground area.

Sometimes, in that brief 1-5 second period of time when I have to make a given decision, I will step back from the situation. It's almost like an out of body experience. I almost can see myself from another person's standpoint. It's kinda like watching a movie.

A given situation arises and all of a sudden I realize that I have to make a decision; I'm at a crossroads. I can almost see both of the situations unfold in that brief few seconds when that decision has to be made. Somehow I manage to make the choice to pull the lever on Option A or Option B, and go on with life.

Sometimes I think about that. What would have happened if I would have pulled the Option B lever, instead of the Option A lever. I'm not talking about regretting a decision, but I'm merely pondering about the other possible outcome. Would it really have made my life any different?

And maybe I'm really talking about all of this since I'm at a MAJOR turning point in my life. Where everything is turning into crossroad-type decisions. I have to choose Door #1 or Door #2, and it ain't exactly Monty Hall, in his freaked-out polyester suit, offering me a brand new Yugo instead of taking either Door.

It's like I can almost see where each road/Door is gonna take me, but I don't quite have enough information in my mule brain to make the decision.

Sometimes I think about what would have happened if I had opened the other one. You only really have a few fleeting seconds to make that decision, but it seems like so much longer sometimes.

Such is my life right now. I am at The Crossroads right now. I have Monty Hall trying to make a deal with me, and I'm not really sure I like any of the options. Yet, I have to believe that there is a purpose to all of this. Some sort of sanity behind the seemingly insane, but how much can one really know before you decide to bite the bullet and open Door #2?

You gotta pull the trigger sometime, don't you? Well I'm not exactly sure what the heck is happening right now, but it ain't pretty.

Why is it that all of the big decisions in life seem to have to be made all at once?!?!?



I may be really, really rambling right now. I'm really, really tired and stressed, and way to freakin' full of major decisions to speak/write coherently.

At least I don't have to work tomorrow. And I get to check out an "older model trailer house" just north of Ft. Worth tomorrow. But can you blame me? The rent is only $700/month, and that ain't half bad for a chance to live Jethro style.

Choices. Ch-ch-changes. Choices. Ch-ch-changes. Choices.

Keep on keepin' on.